Pizza? There's An [Park Slope] App For That

Image via dadventures.comPark Slope: Where all the women are [fill in the blank*], the men are [fill in the blank*] and the children are above average but are also such lazy spoiled shits that they use their above-average intelligence to more effectively and efficiently be lazy spoiled shits. 

Five entitled Park Slope teenage boys (two of whom have already dropped out of college) came up with an app that provides one-tap pizza delivery service, because, ya know, I mean, calling or going on the internets or whatever, to get pizza brought to your doorstep?  That is bullshit!

Apparently I too am a lazy spoiled shit because I am totally getting this app. A lot of pizza is ordered in our house, and I can’t explain why, but I fucking hate that task, from start to finish. So much discussion, so much to decide: 

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Park Slope Craigslist Blotter

FOR SALE: 1995 Honda Accord

Cheapest Car for sale (with pictures) in Park Slope. $1300 feels like a lot of money for 20 year old piece of shit with 211,000 miles on the tires. I tried looking up the blue book value of it but instead of getting a number back it was just that tongue out emoticon.

FOR RENT: 2 Bedroom Apartment

I can’t believe I’m writing about houses right now. This place looks sweet. It’s currently the most expensive 2 bedroom apartment in Park Slope. $3700. A $700 one time building management fee is required. Is that normal? I’ve only lived in apartment shares with insane people off of Craigslist.

FREE: VCR

VCRs haven’t been the technology of choice in at least 10 years. Maybe longer. I mean people were still jerking off to Baywatch. Can you imagine masturbating to a cable show where nobody gets naked? It’s barbaric. VCRs were impossible to program and frequently broken/breaking but there was something cool about handling a VHS tape. It had weight to it.

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WHASSUP: TAIL END EDITION

Well, folks, it’s getting to the tail end of a glorious summer, packed with great events and gorgeous weather. I implore you not to waste these waning days of outdoor barbecues, beers on the roof, concerts in the park, and weekend adventures because winter is just aching to swing in and kick NYC right in the dick.

This week has it all: music, food, comedy, and even some learning. You can’t go wrong with anything on this list so pick and choose wisely in your search for entertainment. It’s gonna be a good one.

So, WHASSUP, you ask for the umtienth time? Here’s WHASSUP:

Thursday, 8/21, Storewide Tasting Night, Whole Foods BK: Come hungry! Last week, on a food run for meatless balls and store brand coconut popsicles, I had the pleasure of stumbling upon the weekly Thursday tasting night. It was a food bonanza. I threw my list out the window and treated Whole Foods like an all you can eat buffet. FREE, 5pm-6pm

Friday, 8/22, Forty-Six Candles: An Evening in Which John Hughes Characters Grow the Fuck Up, Union Hall: John Hughes was responsible for some pretty prolific characters in movie history. This parody gives you a look at your favorite characters all growed-up. Think the Breakfast Club, just overweight and menopausal. $8, 7:30pm doors, 8pm show

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The Brooklyn Cyclones Is Hosting A Park Slope Night

Hey Coney Island, get out those organic artisan hot dogs and kale-laced sauerkraut on gluten free buns, make sure you don't serve anything from Eden Organics, and make sure you have plenty of stroller parking (have I missed any stereotypes) cause our 'hood is coming down your way this Sunday. That's right FIPS'ters, Park Slope Parents is hosting a Park Slope Night at MCU Park. Here's how the evening is described on the e-flyer:

Enjoy a Brooklyn Cyclones game at MCU Park and celebrate historic Park Slope and the Battle of Brooklyn. A portion of the proceeds will benefit the Old Stone House & Washington Park. 

Wait? What the what? There's so much going here. Historic Park Slope and the Battle of Brooklyn? AND a Cyclones game? I'm intrigued (and confused), tell me more about how the ill-fated and largest Revolutionary Battle of Brooklyn (known to the rest of the world as the Battle of Long Island) and Park Slope Night are intertwined.

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