Want to Write For FIPS?

FIPS is looking for some new writers to join our whack pack. As our Dear Leader Erica so eloquently states:

If you feel like joining our crazy FIPS whack pack crew, and your writing doesn't suck ass, we'd probably love to have you. Here's the deal: I'd love to hear all about how you're a hardcore FIPS reader, have the perfect voice, were born to make fun of Park Slope, blah, blah, blah. But mostly I just want to see if you can hack it. So if you REALLY want to write for us, send us a post. Any post, I don't really give a crap. If you read the blog and know what we do, I'd love to see something that you think would be a good fit. Just cut and paste that shit into the little box below, tell me about yourself briefly and hit "submit." If its funny, I'll get back to you (i.e. I'm very fucking lazy, and need as much help as I can get).

So go here and get in touch with us.

Amazon Has Fresh Food Now, and You Will Buy It from Them

photo credit: Kevork Djansezian/Getty Images

It’s well known (among people who know these things) that Park Slope is lousy with “publishing people” (it’s also lousy with lice – did you know that’s where the word lousy comes from? – because of all those 321 kids hugging each other. But I digress.) 

My husband and I are, in effect, “publishing people,” and so are some of our friends. And we are all royally pissed at Amazon, a company that seems gleefully bent on destroying traditional publishing, and who is in a well-publicized battle with French publisher Hachette for reasons not funny enough to outline here (go the link!). The gist is, Amazon is being a total dick.

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Park Slope Craigslist Blotter

FREE: Pregnancy Test

I’m pretty sure, not positive (pregnancy test humor ya’ll,) that pregnancy tests come in at least 2 counts. This is offering one pregnancy test. Does that mean she’s pregnant or not pregnant? Wouldn’t you take the second test just to be sure? She also refers to last night as unforgettable. I think we’d all like to hear more about that. Anyway, if you don’t feel like spending the 7 bucks to get a test drop this person an e-mail. 

VOLUNTEER: 10^th Annual Halloween Festival

It’s all pretty much right there in the title. This Park Slope charity is looking for volunteers to work their Halloween party. They are a little sassy demanding that if you come to be professional. LOL remember when professional meant paid? Said the internet blogger. Costumes are strongly encouraged. FIPS would further encourage you to take that costume to the next level. Some kind of serial killer get up. Real blood splattered on your clothes and a real chainshaw that you let rip every time a kid comes to your station for candy. Nah, not the pumpkin shaped Reece’s kid. Take a mini Milky Way.

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A Beer Floodtastic FiPS Food & Drink Roundup

OMG TODAY IS THE 200TH ANNIVERSARY OF THE GREAT LONDON BEER FLOOD! That's right...on this day in 1814, a huge ass vat at a brewery in central London totally exploded, releasing thousands upon thousands of liters of beer upon the sad, surrounding tenements, drowning eight Brits. As such, I've got alcohol on the mind today. Also, it's a weekday.

You should have alcohol on the mind too! This past week, Park Slope saw its options for getting blotto expand, with even more options on the horizon. On a sadder note, we got OFFICIAL confirmation that one of the better locations for drinking in the hood really IS going to get a lil bit lamer.

The biggest news on the drunky front is news that's been a long time coming. Almost eight months after they first opened their doors, Calexico FINALLY has their liquor license. JESUS CHRISTO that took forever. They started serving beverages from their full bar last Friday but they’re "officially announcing" it starting tomorrow. To celebrate, they're doing two-for-one drinks all weekend long, with 10% of the proceeds from your drunkenness going to the Prospect Park Alliance. Also…TACOS.

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Douchey McDouchester Protects Car With Orange Cones on 8th Street

A friend o'FIPS sent in a couple photos of this sweet ride with the following scoop:

Parked on my block of 8th Street over the weekend, the owner of this car actually deployed 4 orange traffic cones placed in front of, next to, and behind the pumpkin orange auto to keep the riff-raff - that would be us - away from his/her prized possession.  What doesn't show up in the first photo at all, but kinda can be spotted in the second, is that the grill of the car has a KITT-like  (from Nightrider) pulsing  blue light moving  back and forth to presumably further scare away intruders.

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