Bodega Dreams?

2 Questions:
1. Do you guys remember Kozmo.com? And how friggin revolutionary that seemed back in the Y2K? (I.Am.So.Old.)
2. Where are all the enterprising young hipsters in Park Slope??

"In the tradition of FreshDirect, Kozmo and Peapod, two enterprising hipsters in Brooklyn have started Hyperbodega.com, which offers and delivers beer, cigarettes, condoms, plantain chips, cat food and other such items directly to doorsteps in Greenpoint, Williamsburg and Bushwick, neighborhoods closest to where the men live."

These dudes deliver from 10:30pm to 4am and only charge $3 bucks. I am so fucking down with this idea...

(NYT via Gothamist)

FIPS ToDo's

*Enjoy this "Pass the Candle" vid from Park Slope resident Michelle Citrin and her friend and collaborator William Levin. Send it around and spread the love! (it was on GMA yesterday morn!) (Pass the Candle).

*Set your own Latke eating record...six nights left of Chanukah to do it, yo! (Buzzfeed).

*Figure out which bars ur gonna hit up on Christmas (after your Chinese feast, I presume) (Brooklynian).

*Check out Swoon Studio's prints through Brooklyn Museum's new social networking program 1stFans at their First Saturdays program (Gothamist).

*Marvel over the fact that THE most annoying housewife on the Real Housewives of New York City series (and the only BK rez) Alex McCord apparently got herself a book deal! Writing a parenting book! WTF? (Gawker).

*Gear up for Restaurant Week in January...its gonna be bigger and badder than ever (NewYorkology).

BREAKING: Zipcar Stops Sucking Balls?

My wife and I have this private joke where anytime we have to go to Jersey or some other god-forsaken place, and we're trying to figure out how to shlep the kids all the way out there, one of us will look at the other and go: "Oooh, how 'bout Zipcar!?"

Hilarious, right? I mean, everyone knows that Zipcar literally never has ANY cars EVER EVER EVER, unless you book like 4 weeks in advance, and even then, the people before you probably won't bring the car back on time, and the guy making $6 bucks an hour at the garage Zipcar blackmailed to hold their shitty cars who couldn't give less of a FUCK looks at you when you ask if he by any chance knows where the car is and whether it will be back soon and just goes: "Zeepcart?"

I love talking to people who have never used Zipcar before. I was talking to this one guy recently who was like, "Oh, that's interesting - I've heard of Zipcar - it's that car-sharing program, right? So what's the deal, you just walk up to any zipcar on the street and you can jump in and use it, right? Really cool!"

And I said, "No that's not the fucking deal, jackass, the deal is it's just like Hertz except they never have any cars. Quit talking about it like it's some kind of hippie Kibbutznik share-a-car; yeah they pay insurance for you, and gas, but it doesn't matter, because they never have any cars. You can't GET a zipcar unless you go pick it up at 165th street and Lenox Avenue. It blows."

Think I'm lying? Check out their subway ad in the image above: Zipcar, the car for people who don't want one. See?! They're proud of it! Wtf!?

Anyway, I was all set to mock them again on Sunday, when we needed a car for an impromptu Fairway run... However, Arecibo wasn't picking up - maybe due to the snowy conditions and high demand, which always cause the cab companies to show their true colors when it turns 'em into the supply-side fat-cats they wish they always were.

So I went onto Zipcar's site just for a good laugh - and what the fuck!? Check this shit out:

Unbelievable!? 20+ cars available at the last minute? 3 of 'em at OUR garages? And get this: It wasn't just doing that Orbitz-patented bait-and-switch that gives you the finger after you actually try to choose a car...I mean, we actually got one!

What'd they do, get more cars? When did this happen- should I have read some of the spam they're always sending me? Did Zipcar stop sucking balls?

New Year's Eve Idea: Fuck the Economy, And Party Like You're Diddy Circa 2006

(ed note: Remember when pics like the one above were not considered wildly inappropriate?)

So, just to recap:
*Over the last 6+ months, my 401k has gone from looking like this to looking like this.
*Everyone is in agreement over the fact that we are in the midst of a global financial crisis the likes of which we haven't seen in a LONG time.
*For the first night of Chanukah tonight, I got exactly nothing

And maybe that's why Brooklyn Paper's New Year's Eve: The Last Great Splurge Feature, kinda makes me want to punch someone right in their fucking face.

Having not attended the editorial meeting that took place when this story was pitched, perhaps I'm missing some sort of important nugget of information that can help me understand why in the fuck this story isn't totally ridiculous and/or wildly inappropriate at this moment in time.

I mean, I guess everyone is busy doing budget New Year's Eve bash stories and "how can we give back?" stories and Brooklyn Paper just wanted to buck the trend? Could that be it? Cause really I'm getting angrier by the second.

Here's why: I fucking love caviar, and smoked salmon and pricey chocolate and champagne...and I haven't eaten any of it in a long time. And certainly can't afford any of it for a "last splurge" NYE party. And I don't really know anyone else who can at the moment (otherwise I would have already invited myself over).

So, many thanks Brooklyn Paper...for reminding me just how shitty things really are right now. Happy fucking New Year's to you too.

Baruch Atah Adonai, Eloheinu, Melekh Ha'olam; Asher Kidishanu B'mitz'votav V'tzivanu; L'had'lik Neir Shel Chanukah

Anyone light the candles? Make latkes? Get anything good??

(image via SomeEcards).