'Shove The Fucking iPad Up Your Arse You Mother Fucker Fucking Fuck'

Be still my heart. I'm nominating this one as Brooklyn's newest anthem.

With such heartfelt lyrics as:

"I remember a time when I could walk out my front door and not hate the sight of every other person under 29. I remember a time when I was simply poor and deemed as afflicted, not assumed working in graphic design. OMG Hipster chic epic fail our future's bleak. I love the way you gentrify and marginalize your creativity. I remember a time back before I turned 5 when I was not such an embittered cunt."

I foresee this being the smash new hit on NOW That's What I Call Music 72!

Woman Attacked on 16th Street

In today's edition of news that's not even remotely funny, we have some mind-bending video of a woman who was attacked on March 20th as she was walking down 16th Street.

The video was captured by a security camera on the street, and it's pretty fucking harrowing to watch.

Thankfully the woman got away when some neighbors heard the commotion and came out to see what was going on, but the disgusting asshole who attacked her is still at large.

(via Gothamist)

In Search Of The Next Aflac Fuck...Errm...I Mean Duck

I'm sure most of you are aware that Gilbert Gottfried, voice of the ever popular and obnoxious Aflac Duck, got canned a few weeks ago as a result of cracking Japan jokes on Twitter.

As I was scanning the interwebs this morning instead of working, I came across this CNN clip of retarded hopefuls auditioning to become the next Aflac Duck. I really hope to god these aren't the best they could find. Maybe they should come audition some people from Park Slope, or atleast take it to the streets of NYC?

I bet a toothless, drunk and raspy voiced homeless man would make a great replacement...sort of like the next Golden Voice Kraft whatever the fuck his name was dude.

Click to read more ...

How To Gentrify Your Neighborhood

Obvs our fave line is: "start an ironically named blog."

Q: Does Anyone In Manhattan Give A Shit About Brooklyn?

A: Not really.

Watch this vid from our new Brooklyn Question series from theyingaling.com and see for yourself.