BREAKING: Fios In Park Slope...It's A Reality

As y'all know (cause I won't stfu about it), I'm a new FiOS customer. And just to follow up: IT STILL TOTALLY FUCKING RULES.

I feel like one of those 11-year-old kids who was living in a state run orphanage, with no hope and no future and then my ass got adopted by Daddy Warbucks. The tennis court is the left and the swimming pool is to the rear, btchz!

So here's the thing. I've been getting emails and calls and tweets and questions about why Fios isn't on your block, and his block, and their block and when is it gonna be in S. Slope and N. Slope and so finally I decided to check!

Click to read more ...

Verizon Fios: A Preview

Ok, so Meredith broke the news several weeks ago, but the rumors are all true: I'M GETTING VERIZON FIOS! THIS FRIDAY!!!

DO YOU BTCHZ UNDERSTAND HOW AMAZZZZZZZZINGGGGG THISSSSS ISSSSSS????

This means I'll soon be free from the most horrific, down-n-dirty, craptacular brand experience of my adult life thus far: Time Motherfucking Warner!

I hate Time Motherfucking Warner...Amanda hates Time Motherfucking Warner...Allison hates Time Motherfucking Warner, shit, OLIVER even hates Time Motherfucking Warner. Sometimes I think all these ladiez only started writing for FIPS *just* so that they could bitch about Time Motherfucking Warner. In our non-scientific FIPS research over the past two years, I would guestimmate that 9.9 out of 10 people in Brooklyn who have Time Warner hate Time Motherfucking Warner.

And while I don't yet actually have Verizon Fios, I wanted to keep you up-to-date on how the experience has gone down so far and compare and contrast it, to past experiences with Time Warner.

Click to read more ...

We May Be Stuck in Time Warner Hell, But at Least We're Getting ESPN3

Hot on the heels of Erica's OMG MY BUILDING HAS FIOS tweet (over which I have yet to stop fuming with blackout-inducing jealous rage), news has come through the pipe that the rest of us stuck in Time Warner Hell--did I say "hell?" 'cause I mean "HELL"--are fucking finally getting ESPN3 starting Monday.

That only took, what, six hundred thousand years?  Good god.  Now I am really never leaving my house again.  Be not fooled, Time Warner: our hatred for you remains immeasurable, but at least you're not Cablevision, I guess.

TODAY, FOR THE FIRST TIME IN HISTORY, TIME WARNER SUCKS A LITTLE LESS

We've bitched and moaned endlessly about Time Warner and their shitty service, ridiculously high rates, and their general assbackward approach to business. 

Well, now, my friends, it looks like the cable clouds have parted to a partly sunny outlook.  According to Daily Intel, your friendly Time Warner cable guy can't just show up whenever he damn well pleases without repercussions.  

New rules include that if the cable guy is late for a scheduled maintenence appointment, you will receive the next month's service FREE.  

This shit is good news, because I think I have to schedule an appointment—my DVR has totally been on the fritz.  Anyone else? 

Time Warner: You Suck, Part XVIII

Is it too much to ask for my pay per view to actually work when I really, really need it.

My little turtledove was up early this morning (read: 2:30!!!!!), barfy and stoic. She's really a pro at this point. I've never seen anybody throw up as efficiently or prolifically as my first grader. Could she be bulemic? At seven? Nah. But she is sick, poor dear.

And now we're going to have to miss that field trip to the food coop this afternoon. Too bad, so sad!

Anyway, despite having paid a $10,000 monthly bill to Time Warner just last week, I'm apparently maxed out for pay-per-view.

Click to read more ...