Verizon Fios: A Preview

Ok, so Meredith broke the news several weeks ago, but the rumors are all true: I'M GETTING VERIZON FIOS! THIS FRIDAY!!!

DO YOU BTCHZ UNDERSTAND HOW AMAZZZZZZZZINGGGGG THISSSSS ISSSSSS????

This means I'll soon be free from the most horrific, down-n-dirty, craptacular brand experience of my adult life thus far: Time Motherfucking Warner!

I hate Time Motherfucking Warner...Amanda hates Time Motherfucking Warner...Allison hates Time Motherfucking Warner, shit, OLIVER even hates Time Motherfucking Warner. Sometimes I think all these ladiez only started writing for FIPS *just* so that they could bitch about Time Motherfucking Warner. In our non-scientific FIPS research over the past two years, I would guestimmate that 9.9 out of 10 people in Brooklyn who have Time Warner hate Time Motherfucking Warner.

And while I don't yet actually have Verizon Fios, I wanted to keep you up-to-date on how the experience has gone down so far and compare and contrast it, to past experiences with Time Warner.

I called Verizon to set up my installation, and spoke to someone very nice and helpful on the phone. We set up the installation for this Friday, between 8am and 12pm. After making the initial appt over the phone, I received an email confirming my appt, with an order # that I could use to logon to their website and pull up information about my upcoming installation. Then several days later, I received a nice little postcard in the mail, again referencing my special order # and login instructions for checking the details of my appt on their website. From their website, I can change the time of my appt, change my cable package, order Fresh Direct or register to vote. Ok, those last 2 aren't true, but still. Then, today I got a reminder call about my appt this Friday, with a call back number and, yet another reference to my order # in case I needed to change anything. Tomorrow I will probably get a singing fucking telegram, and then maybe on Thursday, I'll get one of those arrangements of fruit that are all cut up to look like flowers. I mean, honestly, I would not be surprised if that happened.

Oh, and also: our cable bill will be $30 less (guaranteed pricing for 2 years), our internet connection will be galactically faster, AND we get free unlimited phone service! Basically for free, cause we were paying the same thing to Time Warner and NOT getting phone service.

Truth Time: while it is has been awhile since I've had to deal with TW in any sort of real customer service-y sort of a way, past experiences have included:

• A customer service rep who asked me non-ironically if I was *sure* I knew how to get online.
• A mysterious week-long internet outtage that, NO ONE at TW was able to explain. In fact, 7 to 10 diff calls, led to 7-10 diff stories, from 7-10 diff service reps. And p.s. the problem just mysteriously fixed itself on Day 7.
• An installer making up a story about not being able to fix our cable because a pole in our backyard was out (the installer who finally came to fix our cable told us that pole had nothing to do with our cable).
• An installer not showing up for a scheduled appt, with no call-back, or other follow-up from Time Warner. And when I called to complain, expecting that I would get someone else to come out the next day, they re-scheduled me for the following week.

Honestly, this is just a brief run-down. Most of my experiences have been so traumatic, I've blocked many of them from my consciousness.

So, yes: my expectations for Fios are very high at the mo...but also, thanks to Tee Dubs, the bar has been set pretty fuckin low.

Goodbye, Time Warner! I'll hate you forever!