BLOCK-OFF! 6th Ave [from 9th to 3rd] vs. 6th Ave [from 3rd to President]

Last week, we totally sucked. This week, reinvigorated by the Sunday night experience of 3RD ROW AC/DC (booyah!), we’re going to totally rock. In fact, we’re even going to go as far as to right a past wrong this week. It’ll be touching. Today marks the anniversary of the day the Billboard Hot 100 was created, so we’re going to be paying homage to fifty-one years of SOLID GOLD HITS. In a seriously shocking travesty, AC/DC has never managed to climb higher than #28 on the charts. Where are your priorities, Billboard? Two number one albums from them but no number one hits? Does that even make sense to you? Awful.

Anyway, we’ll be taking the Block-Off! back to 6th this week, as we pit 9th to 3rd against 3rd to Union. One group of blocks will be inhabited by the blasé ghosts of Nelly, Bryan Adams & Plain White T’s, while the other will be shot full of electric Acca Dacca awesomeness, some shit loud enough to make your skin crawl in a good way. They’ll battle for control of the music industry & in the end, we’ll see which one will be ROCKING THE FUCK OUT & having the time of their lives at age sixty. Let the overly amplified, balls-to-the-wall, Aussietacular judging begin!

Click to read more ...

BLOCK-OFF! 4th Ave [from 9th to 3rd] vs. 4th Ave [from 3rd to President]

Howdy fair readers. It’s time for another edition of the Block-Off! When we last met, we unveiled our first ever tag team edition, with groups of blocks on 4th Ave & 6th Ave going head-to-head in a revolutionary competition commemorating Bastille Day.

It was a special week, as avid Block-Off! reader “now you know about 4th Ave” harshly critiqued us & commented that “wow, these things suck worse every time.” We weren’t aware that people saw the Block-Off! as some sort of Citysearch/Yelp guide, as opposed to an opportunity for us to write the stupidest stuff possible about every single business in the neighborhood in the most objective way possible.

This week, in order to dispel any misconceptions that the Block-Off! is anything but the latter, we promise to suck worse than we’ve ever sucked before. We’ll be staying on 4th Ave the entire time, making our way down toward Atlantic, pitting the blocks between 9th & 3rd against the blocks between 3rd & President. Since this stretch of 4th for the most part sucks, it’ll be very fitting. As one group is all “ooh, look at our vacant lot” & the other is all “we’ve got wicked huge condos too,” it’ll totally blow. We promise. Let the craptastically turdtastic whirlwind of widespread suckitude begin!

Click to read more ...

BLOCK-OFF! 4th Ave [from 15th to 9th] vs. 6th Ave [from 15th to 9th]

Viva La France! Today’s Bastille Day, folks, and you know what that means. It’s time for you to break out your berets & French Fries/Toast & favorite Francophone albums and get down Paree stylee. Shake your booty like it’s the late 1700’s & you’re French & you’re pissed off at the king & his uppity wife (played by Kirsten Dunst)!

In this, our first week where we’ll be featuring groups of blocks all tag team-like, we’ll be visiting the areas between 15th St & 9th St on both 4th Ave & 6th Ave, pitting 4th against 6th in a totally revolutionary battle. As one team of blocks embodies the monarchical spirit of Louis XVI, it’ll reign for a while before the other team of blocks, embiggened with the soul of the French underclass, will rise up & execute the hell out of peeps. It’ll be quite the reason to break out the baguettes & wine. Let the feastastical, regicidal, prison-storming judging begin!

Click to read more ...

BLOCK-OFF! 5th Ave [btwn 5th & 4th] vs. 8th Ave [btwn 12th & 11th]

Wow. So this week marks the 23rd edition of the Block-Off! Yes, it is very Jordan of me. Thanks for noticing. For almost six months now, you & I have traipsed up & down the Park Slope avenues, having a weekly moment together over ridonkulous nonsense about our neighborhood businesses, all belched from the depths of my glue-huffing addled head. I’ve infused the blocks with the spirits of Tupac & Biggie, Baldwin & Estevez, The Titanic & Lincoln, and Osama & Chuck Norris. I made fun of a lot of businesses & most of them deserved it. These are our golden weeks, folks! Cherish them because the Block-Off! is pretty much the greatest invention since sliced bread, which was first sold 71 years ago today in Chillicothe, Ohio.

All great inventions must come to an end though, so to let you down slowly, over the next few weeks, since I’ve basically run out of blocks worth tossing into the ring by their lonesome, I’m going to be bringing you a few weeks of Block-Off! (Filling in the Gaps Edition) and a few other surprises…but for this week, we still have two (somewhat full) blocks ready to jump in the ring, so let’s not make further adieu & such.

This week, we’ll be visiting our last full block on 5th Ave—from 5th to 4th—and for the first time, we’ll be taking a trip way over to 8th Ave, between 12th & 11th. As the two blocks embrace the spirit of invention, they’ll tinker away in basements & garages for our affections, just like the dad in Gremlins, with his awesome “Bathroom Buddy.” One block will be a total genius & develop the atomic bomb (which was first tested this month, back in 45’) and the other will invent an mp3 player for your dog. In the end, humanity will thank both either way, but with some serious reservations. Let the gizmoidic, too much coulda, not enough shoulda judging begin!

Click to read more ...

BLOCK-OFF! 5th Ave [btwn Douglass/St Johns & Sterling] vs. Union St [btwn 6th & 7th]

Sometimes, my timing’s slightly off. Last Tuesday, I dedicated the Block-Off! to the awesomeness that is cable news…& then over the past seven days, cable news learned the true meaning of “when it rains, it pours” as four celebrities died, giving them all sorts of stories to work with. Oh well. Today marks the fourth anniversary of the day that Spain legalized gay marriage (really, USA?) & this past Sunday was Manhattan’s Gay Pride Parade, so this week, in the spirit of these events, we’ll be infusing the blocks with extreme festiveness! Sorry Brooklyn Gay Pride Parade. You’re so two weeks ago…like I said, that timing thing.

We’ll be taking the Block-Off! to one of our last blocks on 5th Ave, the block between Douglass/St Johns & Sterling. When we’re done there, it’s on down to Union Street and up to take a look at the block from 6th Ave to 7th. As our two blocks ACT TOTALLY GAY, one will charm us with its fashion sense & get invited to the White House, while the other will charm us with its fashion sense but still remain a second-class citizen. God will apparently hate both blocks, but since Jesus loves everyone, they’ll be at odds & will sit down for an important father-son chat, just like on the Brady Bunch. It’ll be rather touching & in the end, we'll all learn a lot of important lessons. Let the long-overdue, human rightastic but thongalicious judging begin!

Click to read more ...