Retail Report: 1 of A Find

If you're like me: then you totally fucking hate Beacon's Closet. Like REALLY, REALLY hate it.

True, I hate almost all the crap they sell. But more than anything, I hate the nasty, preening, tasteless gaggle of "buyer girls" who hang out in the back of the store sitting court, and seem to be allergic to any garment possessing any tiny shred of style, chic-ness OR sophistication.  But if you've got a shitload of H&M or Wet Seal crap to sell, they should most definitely be your first stop.

Anyway.

1 of a Find is like the polar opposite of Beacon's Closet. They're like Beacon's closet after a colonic, some green tea, and a Winona Ryder exorcism. They have a rockin, beautifully edited selection of vintage clothes and accessories that will, I promise, make you swoon.

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REVIEW: PROSPECT PARK WEST BY AMY SOHN

Amy Sohn is a BREEDER who gets it. Like really fucking gets it.

She's a Park Slope mom, who you may have even seen breastfeeding at the "Teat Lounge" (her brilliance, not mine), or sitting amongst the Coopretards at the monthly Park Slope Food Coop meeting. She can enumerate the subtle nuances between each neighborhood playground, and has likely put in her required mommy hours at both Dizzy's and Two Boots. For all I know, she may have even thrown her kid an elaborate bday party at Kidville with clowns and that annoying guitar player dude from the Wednesday sing-a-longs. But here's the thing: she can also laugh her ass off about it all.

Self-awareness, folks--it ain't just a concept to revisit every so often in your shrink's office.  

Luckily for all of us, Sohn seems to be the most self-aware Park Slope BREEDER in the history of BREEDERS. And she's turned it all into a hilarious, dishy, tell-all of a book about  my fave nabe and yours: Prospect Park West.

I loved the shit out of this book--I really did.

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Wallet-Friendly Therapy: Jackie's Fifth Amendment

photo: dynamist

At first glance, you might walk into Jackie's Fifth Amendment and think, "Wow, I will probably be murdered tonight if I stay here." Then you realize you need to stop being such a little bitch. One of the few true dive bars left since the gentrification pioneers descended on Park Slope, Jackie's Fifth Amendment stands as a reminder of what the neighborhood used to be like back in the day. Take one step in the door and you're instantly transported to 1975, probably because the chairs you're sitting in are holdovers from that year. Regardless of how divey this bar may be, what it offers that is inherently unique nowadays, is a bartender that will actually listen to you, rather than judging you on your lack of ironic clothing and choice of beer. After five minutes of sitting at the bar (helmed by Fran for years), my friend and I were telling her everything about ourselves. She was shocked when I told her how much I pay for rent. She told my friend that he should break his sublease so he can move in with me. She gave us money for the jukebox and in between cigarette breaks, she told us stories from the old days. Forget fancy doctorates and high-priced bills. Head over to Jackie's for a bucket of 7oz. beers and some free therapy.

REVIEW: Da Vue: Hotel Le Bleu Was Le Ridiculous

Ok, so after the comment orgy that took place last week over the Vue, the new restaurant that just opened at Hotel Le Bleu, I decided to go down there and check it out for my damn self.

As expected: it was...uhm...memorable.

Before I go into my rant, I DO have to say that everyone there was very, very, very, very nice. All of the employees of the Vue seem like perfectly lovely people, and were super duper friendly. Problem is, they were also retarded, and had no clue what was on their menu.

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REVIEW: Eric The Handyman

So, surprise, surprise: neither Greg or I are handy. Like, not at ALL.

We bought our closets at Ikea and paid someone to come and put all that shit together. I don't know what a "phillips head" screwdriver looks like, and could not tell you the difference between caulk or grout if my life depended upon it.

So, as we had a bunch of crap around our apartment that needed to be taken care of, we were recently in need of a handyperson...and we called Eric Rochow. Well, actually we Tweeted him (yep, he's just that cool people: @ericgardenfork).

He came by for the second time last week and: HOLY.SHIT. This dude can literally do A-N-Y-T-H-I-N-G.

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