Park Slope Parents Run The Prospect Park Zoo?

And I don't mean "run the zoo" as in, those obnoxious aholes were all up in my grill when I was just trying to watch the 2pm sea lion feeding, letting their dbag children climb up onto the gates and scream loudly. I don't mean that AT ALL.

No. I mean this kind of shit being posted by the baboon cages: "We encourage our baboons to be themselves" --just like "we encourage our children to be entitled brats."

I mean, it's not much of a stretch, anyway. Baboons, small children...totally the same thing.

The Ice Cream Man Is Ruining Lives

You have GOT to be fucking kidding me about this one, BREEDERS.

Thanks to the NYT, I've learned all about a sub-group of parents who have made it their life's mission to ban ice cream trucks.

I shit you not. Read all about it for yourself: When Parents Scream Against Ice Cream.

WHY IN THE FUCK would anyone want to ban the lovable, fun-filled ice cream truck, you might wonder? Because everytime their itty bitty bebes see the ice cream man they waaaaaannnnt soooooome. And then they crrrrrrrry. And it's soooooo HAAAAAAAAAAAAARD.

OF COURSE the first incensed mother featured in the article is a Park Slope rez--O-F C-O-U-R-S-E:

Click to read more ...

Vodoo Hellians Loose in Prospect Park?

So, check it: cause this shit is FUCKED UP!

Last week, Parks Department officials found 15 calf tongues nailed to trees in Prospect Park. No one knows why the tongues got nailed to the trees...but I think I do.

It was OBVIOUSLY a band of devil worshipping, baby hating, anti-vegan, vodoo, Coop hating hellians who are simply out to terrorize our tranquil neighborhood! (ORRRRRR, it was those MIHVenture bitches).

Are you gonna stand for this bullshit???!!! Please go to www.stopthedevilworshippingbabyhatingantiveganvodoocoophatinghellians.com to help fight the cause and sign our ongoing petition! LET'S TAKE ACTION!!!!

(via New York Daily News)

Prospect Park or City Dump? You Decide

photo: OpossumQueen

On Sunday eve around 6:30pm, Greg and I took Oliver for a walk in Prospect Park. We ended up sitting on a bench in the main meadow area, and decided to people watch for a few minutes.

Needless to say, there were a SHITLOAD of people to actually watch. Scads of folks kept walking by, seemingly on their way to some mysterious BBQ (in fact I was inspired to send this Tweet).

I had no fucking clue what was going on until the next day when I got my scoop from, where else, Brooklynian.

Click to read more ...

Woodstock 2.0 Coming To Prospect Park?

Dust off your bongs and lather up in Pathchouli essence: one of the original organizers of Woodstock is trying to hook up a supafly 40th anniversary event, and wants to set up shop right here in Prospect Park's Long Meadow:

"It's big, it's convenient. There's public transportation - and Brooklyn's cool," said Michael Lang, 64.

Sure this would be ANNOYING AS FUCK, but honestly, I vote yes.  The pics alone would make a couple of days worth of dealing with self-important, old, smelly hippies almost bearable.

FIPS TRUE CONFESSIONS: I used to live in Woodstock with my hippie parents!  They were a smidge too young to have joined in on all the fun in 1969, but a few years later, we were there.  My nursery school was called The School of the New Moon and I got my ass dressed up in beads and hippie garb on a daily basis.  I don't have so much as a shred of "hippie-ness" left in me, but it was all fun and games while it lasted.