MUGGINGS UP "SLIGHTLY" IN PARK SLOPE

Uhm, jayzus. From Gothamist:

"Tuesday night just after 11 pm I got mugged in Park Slope, on Park Place between 6th and 7th by two young African American women (this is a dark block with lots of big trees). I was robbed and bashed on the head by something that felt like a bottle (but may have been something else), and ended up in the hospital with stitches.The cops who came told me this is now a pattern - they are targeting women walking alone on dark streets and asking for directions, either to downtown or in my case, to Court Street. I screamed and they ran away, and grabbed my purse in the process. Please be careful, because they are not afraid to assault you. Previously, they tried to mug another woman on St. Johns, also in Park Slope, same m.o."

This prompted the 78th precinct to confirm that there has been a "slight uptick" in pslope robberies.

Ok, so word to the wise: if you're a lovely Park Slope lady and someone asks you for directions, run your ass off in the other direction FAST. Like you're chasing the Wafles & Dinges truck down 7th Avenue.

Of course the btchz at Brooklynian dove right into discussing this, and in record time,  it only took them 3 posts before moving the discussion on to racial profiling and name calling. I might submit that thread to the URDB just for funzies--it really is impressive.

This Week in WTF: Drunken Dog Fights

Do I really need to add dog ownership to my list of crazy, unlikely ways to go in Park Slope?

Because I just CANNOT believe the story of the black belt karate actor/bartender getting illkayed last week by this sorry, jowelly poodle-owning crazy man above. According to a friend, on top of being a poodle owner and a loose cannon, "Pagan is a chef who was preparing to launch a line of cooking spices."

What a way to die: trying to untangle your mini pinscher's leash from that of a felon's poodle outside a hipster hangout and accidentally brushing against fuckhead's wife, which so incenses him, he stabs you to death. (And, by the way, why did the perp only serve seven years for a prior murder?)

Hold the presses! According to Gothamist, it was a Shih Tzu, not a poodle. Even better. And in his defense, Pagan's wife told the Post, "He has slight bipolar. He couldn't focus. He has ADD. He has diabetes." 

I think we need to add to the don't take the bebe to a bar lecture, "LEAVE YOUR DOG AT HOME ON A SATURDAY NIGHT."

Also, leave your crazy bipolar, diabetic, attention-deficit-disordered felon chef (and his serrated knife) at home too!

I've Seen Fire And I've Seen Rain: Goodbye Smartmom

Double Bitchburger with Cheez (DBBWC) got some VERY sad news yesterday at FIPS HQ...and by sad, I actually mean: SO NOT SAD AT ALL! Smartmom got canned by The Ridonkulous Paper in the borough of Brook! (RPITBOB).

Even Double Bitchburger with Cheez's husband Phish-a-lishy (PAL) was jumping up and down. And their beloved pooch, Hawtest Basset on the Motherfucking Planet (HBOTMP) took a dump on the living room floor...I think that was his way of saying: we are all in this together Double Bitchburger With Cheez and Phish-a-Lishy.

It's not that DBBWC, PAL or even HBOTMP wanted Smartmom to actually get canned (well, except in DBBWC's case mebbe), but it's that this really represents an end of an era for the Neighborhood That Recycles So Fucking Much (TNTRSFM). THE NEIGHBORHOOD THAT RECYCLES SO FUCKING MUCH IS CHANGED NOW AND FOREVER.

Click to read more ...

FIPS First Annual Bad Breeder Contest

I've had my moments in the annals of crappy parenting. Yes, I've taught my kids to curse like little navvies. I didn't correct kid two when she used to think dump truck was pronounced dumb fuck. I'm a yeller. I like to nap even when my kids don't want to. I consider inconsistency kind of under-rated. I make my husband do all the bedtime stories. 

But I draw the line at smoking a bong while driving my kids around. A recent Park Slope Parents post emailed anonymously to FIPS headquarters (me having been permanently banned!) related the alarming daytripping of a stoner Park Slope daddy as reported by his wife.

Click to read more ...

Death By R Train: Anyone Got the Scoop?

News 12 reports that a man was hit and killed on the Bay Ridge-bound R tracks at Union Street on Monday morning.  A FIPS reader tipped us off after her commute from hell, and wants to know if anyone has any details:

I was waiting at the 9th St stop trying to get to work in Bay Ridge, got to the platform around 8:35 yesterday. And waiting. AND WAITING! At 9:50 (there's usually a train every 5 mins so it was clear something was really wrong) there was an announcement that the Bay Ridge bound R train would be running express from Pacific St to 36th St due to problems at the Union St station and there would be no fucking R train coming to pick up the very large crowd of people that had accrued until further notice. I had to get a car service to get to work and was still late grumble. My co-worker came in at 11:00am and said her R train from DeKalb was still running express from Pacific to 36th and they had told her it was a police investigation. I searched the internet hardcore today to find out what the deal was and all I could find was one measly 20 second news clip from a Long Island station that just said a man was hit and killed by the R at Union St. Anyone in the FIPS world know more info??

Know anything?  Comment, SVP.