Halloween in Park Slope: IT'S ALL ABOUT THE PARADE

So, are you btchz going to the parade on Sunday?

In case you haven't noticed, I could give a rat's ass about Halloween and have ZERO interest in all this bullshit, except:

• my fat ass loves candy
• I enjoy dressing up my dog

Soooo, Greg, Ollie and I will probs drag our asses out to the parade, if for no other reason than I bought Ollie a stupid pumpkin costume annnnnd I maybe also wanna take pics of all your bebes in their costumes. Even though I'm convinced everyone is just gonna dress up like a bedbug.

Anyway.

Here's the scoop on the parade from the Park Slope Civic Council's website:

"The main event on Sunday, Oct. 31, is the Annual Park Slope Civic Council Children’s Halloween Parade, the largest such parade in the United States.

The parade kicks off at 6:30. Note that the route this year will begin at Seventh Avenue and 14th Street. The parade continues up Seventh, turns left on Third Street, and ends at the Old Stone House, where the revelry will continue until 9 p.m.

Before the parade, at 4 p.m., is the Park Slope Civic Council Halloween Costume Contest in front of the Secondary School for Law, Journalism, and Research, Seventh Avenue between Fourth and Fifth Streets. Costume categories range from “best theme” to “best classic character” to “best use of materials.” Winners will be given banners to display in the parade. (Registration from 3pm - 4pm)."

Be there or be square.

Who Gives A Shit: Costumed Canines?

Where is the outrage, I ask you???

With all the rations of sugar, honey, and iced tea served up daily to Park Slope's parenting population, why isn't anybody talking about the state of dog ownership today?

Because I'm going to be sorely tempted to call the four-legged equivalent of child services on some of my neighbors if I see any dogs dressed as Elvis or even a chia pet next weekend!

So, fuck what you or your little people are dressing up as for Halloween: what's the pooch wearing? (And are there any good Halloween pooch events going on in the Slope?).

Where do you come down on this great canine costume debate?

CHERYLWEEN 2010

I may or may not have almost gotten arrested on Halloween last year, so THIS YEAR, Ima try to keep it low-key and avoid any potential jailtime. 

So, I'm heading to CHERYLWEEN, a creeptacular dance party going down at The Bell House on Saturday night. 

When I realized that the URL for this dance group is "Cherylwillruinyourlife.com," I pretty much just fell in love on the spot. The question is, how much alcohol will you have to drink to deal with this? 

Anyone else going? 

I GIVE a Shit! Adult Children Take Over Halloween

As people in the know know, Halloween may just be the best thing we have going in Park Slope. It is trick-or-treat mecca. Yeah, yeah, you have the occasional overdone threesome going as their favorite art museums but it's as close to the Happy Days set as we get in the city. And, I have never seen such hauls anywhere in my life. We have enough candy to last a fucking year (fine, two months; alright, one). In fact, I am pretty fucking sure that there is no better trick-or-treating ANYWHERE on the planet!

So, I take exception to you plotting against me and mine. MEREDITH! How can you even suggest hiding from my little devils? I thought you said you'd babysit anytime?

Here's what I've been wondering since going into the scary ass Ricky's on Atlantic last year. (I'm afraid to go buy the Slash top hat this year). Since when did Halloween become a grown-up holiday? Do I really have to protect my trick-or-treat candy bucket from you adult kids? 

Really, what's with all the skanky outfits for people WAY too old to be out collecting candy? This is a KID'S HOLIDAY! They don't get much, our little put-upon children: living in want, rents too damn high to afford a 3-bedroom. Can't you give them back Halloween? Is it really too much to ask that you don't HIDE from them on Halloween. That you might INTERACT!!!!????

Because this might be grounds for war. You cross a line when you started plotting to take over Halloween!

ATTN BREEDERS: If You're Not Already Making Your Kid's Halloween Costume, You're A Bad Parent

Halloween is just around the corner, but us Park Slope parents have had the occasion on our minds for a hella long time already.
 
Everyone knows NYC takes Halloween crazy seriously. Last year I was in Manhattan and didn't see one kid dressed up, yet every adult was dressed in the whackest shit ever. I even saw a police man dressed up like it was ain't no thing.

Park Slope is no exception, except here the focus is on costuming our precious children.  I swear, it's all the 6 o'clock crowd of parents at the park seem to talk about.

However, the Halloween pop-up shop and the "offish" Lady Gaga costumes can go suck some dick, because apparently hand-made outfits are where its at. Yeah, there will be the usual number of  spider men n' junk, but their costumes will be made out of felt and they'll have hemp webs spewing out of their hands. In fact, I predict more than a few costumes will be making their way down 7th Ave made out of recyclable materials, possibly with eco friendly themes. I mean, there's nothing more adorable than a child with "save our planet" embroidered on their onesie, right?
 
In case you need inspiration, Homecrafted Halloween over at Ohdeedoh reccomends using a loom to make your kid's Draco Malfoy scarf. [ed note: DUH].
 
It's SO ON other moms. I began felting my wool months ago.