Put On Your Yarmulke, Here Comes Hanukkah!

Happy Hanukkah, Heebsters! 

And so it begins. Light your menorahs, pull out your dreidels, hold on to your yarmulkes and get ready to partay your way into the light.

FIPS Non-Definitive Guide to Upcoming Festivities in (mostly) Brooklyn:

Click to read more ...

Who Gives A Shit: Thanksgiving Family Horror Stories?

Ok, so we all got fat, and were thankful, and some of you btchz probably watched football, but I wanna hear about the down-n-dirty, super juicy stuff!

Who came out of the closet? Told their parents they wished they were dead? Threatened to leave the dinner table to go fill out adoption papers cause your kidz were driving you totally fucking crazy??

Feel free to go anon in the comments if you're a pussy you maintain any hope of ever speaking to your family again. But otherwise, GO. TO. TOWN.

OPEN POST: It's Thanksgiving, Btchz

So, are you totally annoyed by your family yet? Thinking of putting up your kids for adoption? Sick of me asking you to fill out our motherfucking survey? Or buy tix to the Naughty Office Holiday Party?

If so, we have just what the doctor orderd: AN OPEN POST!

Here's where you can let loose with everything that's been on your mind and then some. I'll go first:

+ I'm sorry, but Skating With the Stars was one of the most epic things I've ever seen on television...and I mean like E-V-E-R. If you guys are not already DVR'ing this shit, I would recommend you do so pronto. Dancing with the Stars can go suck a dick, and you know that if I could marry a TV show, it would be So You Think You Can Dance. But I have a new place in my heart for SWTS.

+ I've caved to pressure and started a new TV/Live Tweeting Twitter account @shutuperica. This means that I will hereby never be tweeting about TV shit from either @effedparkslope OR @designblahg (except to occasionally remind you that I'm TV'ing it up over on @shutuperica

+ HAAAAAA! Now Time Warner Cable is offering a new "signature plan" that promises to ensure that customers get a fucking return phone call or have a technician show up on time...and it only costs you $190 DOLLARS A MONTH!

+ The Turkey Jerk party is goin down on Sat night at Union Hall starting at 11pm. The Skint's DJ Patty Hearst will be spinnin 80's synth pop, break dance classics, freestyle, French and American new wave, more. That's Whassup this week.

+ Is there anything cooler than a chick butcher? No (obvz): Sara Bigelow: Girl Butcher (via The L Magazine)

+ Do coyotes eat raccoons? If so, I say let's get em up in this bitch: Coyotes on Rat Patrol in Some Cities (via Gothamist)

HAPPY THANKSGIVING, BBS! I'm big time thankful that you read this piece of shit blog...for realz.

Light It Up

ATTN Christian people: don't go thinkin that just cause Christ died on the cross, that gives you the right to put your little twinkly little Christmas lights in our city owned trees. N'uh Uh! You need a permit for that!

"Any person, association, business, and other special interest group wishing to install seasonal lights on any tree or shrub in city rights–of–way or other public places under the jurisdiction of the New York City Department of Parks & Recreation, must make a written request and complete a no–fee permit supplied by the respective Borough Forestry Office."

You can get the form right here.

So yeah, obvs we can't really compete with Dyker Heights, but as FIPS tipster Chris suggests, "Let's light this shit UP!"

Also Happy Hanukkah!

Spill: Best Trick Or Treat Routes, Candies, Costumes, and Kid-Free Hiding Spots

My husband can't get over Halloween in Park Slope: the embarrassment of riches, the spectacle, the sheer scope of stoop friendliness. He hails from the country where you had to hoof it a mile to get to the next candy bar and, yes, every year he tells us his sorrowful trick-or-treating tale of woe.

We try to listen attentively. Honestly we do. 

I, on the other hand, lived in a BIG apartment building in the city for a lot of my childhood and you didn't even have to hit the street to fill your bucket. Of course, if you did head out, chances were good you'd get mugged by marauding twelve-year-olds before you made it home safe with your load. 

My, my, how times have changed.

So, here's your chance. Tell us your tales of halloweens past. Where's the best candy at? Btw, my money's on Montgomery Place. I swear, it's a good thing these people have disposable income because I would bet that each house must hand out 30 bags of candy. Why does anybody still hand out candy corns? What are you dressing as this year? Best costume ever? Do you have a pee/parade spot on 3rd St lined up yet? And anything else you want to say...