'I'm Fat And Nobody Likes Me'

(FYI, I've got a total raging cougar crush on this kid).

"I Want Plastic Surgery Because I Love My Mommy"

Go See John Oliver at Pacific Standard On Weds Night

Cause he's cute...and funny as shit. And lots of other funny peeps will be there too:

Join us at Pacific Standard in Park Slope for Topsham Pantsuit: a pleasant evening of comedy, book cases, and exotic beers.

With hosts RITCH DUNCAN and WILL HINES.

Pacific Standard
82 4th Ave (b/w St. Marks and Bergen)
8 pm, FREE
 
NEXT SHOW WEDNESDAY, MAY 13TH; FEATURING:

JOHN OLIVER (The Daily Show)

MEGAN GANZ (The Onion)

ADIRA AMRAM (Musical Genius)

(via Brooklynian)

How Many Brooklynians Does It Take To Screw In A Lightbulb?

Ok, so we're just gonna go ahead and present the text of this Brooklynian post to you without comment, because its THAT fucking funny all on its own:

How Many Brooklynians Does It Take to Screw In A Lightbulb?:

39 (38 of whom are not from Park Slope)

Breakdown as follows

11 to argue about what bulb to use
10 to argue about what type of ladder/chair/stool to use
14 to biach about global warming and insist electricity is a luxury
and how DARE these slopers use electricity when there are children starving on on unyet discovered planet
3 - to blame george bush for the broken lightbulb

1 - the actual sloper - to actually put the frigging bulb in

(via Brooklynian)