Your FiPS Guide to Finding a Last-Minute Valentine's Day Date

I hesitate to mention that it’s almost Valentine’s Day, because, I know for most FiPS readers, it’s painful to talk about it still, to this day.  But if you’re still obsessing over the precise moment that love died for you the last time, maybe it’s time for you to crawl out of that dirty bathtub you've been sleeping in, put some clothes on, and try to find someone new to date. You can do this, lame-ass!

Since you’re used to dating people with borderline personality disorders, we’ve gone ahead  and done some legwork for you by turning to the most obvious place that anyone would look for a suitable candidate for your next just-aborted-at-the-last-possible-moment-before-it's-too-late-murder-suicide pact: Craigslist!

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A FiPS Guide to Having a Successful Open House

Photo by Park Slope Lens

If you're selling real estate in Park Slope and want to get into a contract by the end of the year, now's the time to really step up your game and make it happen. Take advantage of the last few weeks of summer by holding weekly open houses until you get an offer.  With any luck, you can close on the sale by Thanksgiving. Since I've bought and sold real estate in Brooklyn (a couple of times, actually), I've put together some handy hints for making certain that your open house is a spectacular success.

1. LEAVE 

Do not hang around your own open house.  Let your real estate agent do what you're paying them to do, because if people know you live there, they're going to be uncomfortable.  When my spouse and I purchased our place, the seller's entire family was there at each and every open house and showing.  And every time we went there, they were feeding their baby in the dining room.  And the baby was always wearing mittens, even though it was August.  It was distracting, to say the least.  Why was their baby wearing mittens in August?  Why was it always eating?  We couldn't appreciate the fact that there was a fireplace, or the gorgeous hardwood floors, because we kept speculating about what the deal was with their ravenous lobster baby.  Had they just cleared out of the place, we might have made our decision to buy the place much more quickly.

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a FiPS guide to Upcoming Barclays Center Events

We're waitin' for ya, Babs!

If you're playing along at home, you may recall that we've already warned you about the fact that Brooklyn Nets games won't be the only things happening at the Barclays Center.  Once it opens, Slopers will have easy access to some really terrific performances and, well, other kinds of performances! We here at FiPS have taken a look at what's on the horizon, and here are some highlights:

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Happy 4th of July, Fipsters!

Did you remember to get an American Flag bathing suit from American Apparel? FiPS fan Yolandeesha did!

Happy birthday, America! You don't look a day over 236. But couldn't your birthday fall on any other day besides a predicted stormy, 93-degree day in the middle of the week?! 

This year, the fireworks are ONCE AGAIN being displayed over the Hudson River, which just goes to show how much the people of Macy's love the dirty Jerse WAY more than us Brooklyn folk.

If you're a gambling fool, you'll risk the 50% chance of isolated thunderstorms and head into Manhattan for 25 minutes of the most bad-ass pyrotechnic display in the world as Macys explodes more than 40,000 fireworks along the Hudson River (again, while flipping the bird to Brooklyn, but whatever). We hear Katy Perry is even performing. Now if only she had a song about fireworks to sing... Oh, and Kenny Chesney will be crooning some country classics too. Here's the 311 on when and where to stake your spot should you make the aforementioned trek.

If you don't want to join the cluster fuck of three million spectators, you can download this cool app and watch the spectacle on your phone while (fill in the blank with literally any verb ending in 'ing'). Or you can watch it on NBC from the comfort of your air-conditioned apartment (bonus points if you have access to a terrace in New Jersey).

And what about the wildly popular tradition of grilling in Prospect Park? if you don't own a grill or can't stand the thought of carrying around one of those single-use tailgate grills with a giant photo of Larry the Cable Guy beaming like an idiot on the front of it, and don't feel like waking up at 6AM to haul your ass to Park Slope's giant lawn to land one of their coveted grills, you can just say 'fuck it' to the park in general and head to Skylark on 5th Avenue. During the day they'll be opening their backyard and serving  up FREE hot dogs with each drink and pulled pork slider platters for a mere $3. 

Boom.

A FiPS Guide to Great GoogaMooga Fooda

It's Great GoogaMooga week, bitches! To prepare you for the upcoming 2-day food, wine and music orgy festival, we here at FiPS are going to be talking about it nonstop from now 'til Saturday.

Yeah, motherfucker! Are you ready to stuff your face, GoogaMooga style? Good luck with that. If you're spending next weekend at the Great GoogaMooga Festival, the two-day Prospect Park event dubbed as "an amusement park of food & drink," you're obviously not doing so for the music. It's all about the food. I mean, sure there's a James Murphy DJ set and a performance by The Roots -- but Hall & Oates as a headliner? That shit's LAME (Ed note: Some of your fellow FiPS writers would disagree, Shawn).

Maybe you were one of those lucky enough to score a free ticket to the event. Maybe you even forked over dough via Craigslist to get your hands on one. If so, you'll have access to food & drink from 75 food vendors, 30 brewers & 30 wine makers. Whether you'll have to wait in ridiculous lines over & over again is yet to be seen. Personally, I'm assuming CLUSTERFUCK.

At this point, if you weren't able to score a ticket, you do have the option of spending that extra $250 you have lying around on an ExtraMooga pass. With it, you get VIP access to as much food & drink as you can handle, alongside events such as a discussion about food & music with Ruth Reichel, Aziz Ansari, James Murphy and David Chang, and multiple Q&A's with Anthony Bourdain. There's even a Gatsby-themed brunch.

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