Whassup: Procrastinate the Presents Edition

This week, you're all probably frantically just-now remembering that whole annual thing about Christmas presents. Oh, yes. We must buy electronics and warm items of clothing for one another to honor the crucifixion of Santa Clause. Ok, look: the myth varies by culture. That's how my family celebrated it. But while the image of a bleeding Kris Kringle (ever wonder WHY his suit is red?) troubles your guilt muscles, please allow me to distract you with a sleigh full of fun things to do. Welcome to Whassup: Procrastinate the Presents Edition: 

* Thursday, Dec. 13: Party Machine Holiday Benefit, Bell House: The two comediennes who head up The Party Machine make an interesting duo: one verges on Steven Wright levels of deadpan, while the other seems perpetually just this side of floating away on a flying carpet of manic bubbles. And they're merely the hosts of this comedy variety show, with sets from Janeane Garofalo (remember the '90's!) and Adira Amram, the most joyously '80's dancer you'll see outside a faded MTV video. Plus, this whole thing benefits the Brooklyn Badass Animal Rescue, a favorite cause of FiPS during our rare, non-snarky moods. 7:30pm, $15.

* Friday, Dec. 14: Holiday Punk Out, Rock Shop: Check out some local punk heroes, particularly the party band Brooklyn What, as they jingle all of your balls before Christmas. Because, you see, balls sounds like bells. But is also a term for testicles. Punk rock! 8pm, $10.

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Whassup: December Beers Edition

http://brooklynbased.net/event/2012/11/no-office-holiday-party-2012/

And so this is Christmas...season. If you work in retail, you have my deepest sympathies. All of that Christmas music... If you feel like going postal, seriously, I'd understand. For the rest of us, there still remains the task of putting off Christmas shopping in order to spend money on ourselves in Brooklyn bars. Welcome to Whassup: December Beers Edition:

* Thursday, Dec. 6: Adirondack Brew Takeover, Beirkraft: With winter slowly rearing its global warming-tamed head, the best thing to do is to get pre-drunk before the first cold snap. Because as we all know from the only thing we learned in college, being drunk = invincible. Some fine brewers from the wintry crowns of the Adirondacks are taking over Bierkraft's taps tonight to get you good and started on your winter buzz. They'll be pumping shit like Bear Naked Ale, Imperial Stout, and Red Rye IPA. 7pm, FREE (for entry, the beers still cost money, duh).

* Saturday, Dec. 8: Make Robot Animals!, Brooklyn Robot Foundry: Cool, bizare shit just keeps popping up in Brooklyn. I'd say we're about one Monorail through downtown from becoming a real-life Disneyland. Well, with more peeing in the subways. Anyway, here's another bit of preciousness to coo over: a robot foundry! This one's really for the kids, if you hadn't guessed. An engineer and doctor of education lead this workshop, helping kids do the whole STEM thing in a fun way. Don't know about you, but I would have been that one kid who made an evil robot bear with sharp teeth and rocket launchers in its paws. Is that an option? 12:30pm-4pm, $70.

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Geek Out With Storytellers & Comedians at Tuesday Night's Hurricane Sandy relief show!

Do you have a few free hours tomorrow night and $8 to spare to help out fellow Brooklynites in need? If so, you should hit up the Geeking Out Hurricane Sandy Relief Show at Union Hall at 8PM. All ticket proceeds will be donated to the Brooklyn Community Foundation's Brooklyn Recovery Fund to aid those hit hardest during Hurricane Sandy.

For those who are unfamiliar, Geeking Out is a recurring comedy & storytelling show hosted by bespectacled comedy people Nate Fernald and FiPS' own Kerri Doherty that brings crazy-talented performers together for a night of shameless nerding out on the bands they love, the celebrities they obsess over and the video games that nearly wore their thumbs to stumps. Tomorrow night's line-up includes:

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Whassup: Post-Turkey Get Down Edition

via rantsfrommommyland.com

General poll: how many of you are currently still at least 50% turkey? Well done! Of course, I know that you young Brooklynites from everywhere-in-America probably couldn't make it home for Mom's home-cooked, store-bought pumpkin pie so, instead, you had "Friendsgiving," because you're good at wordplay and only wanted to eat organic whatevers. Whatever. So long as you ate too much of those whatevers, I approve. But now, it's time to work off some of that holiday fat by having so much fun it's almost like exercise. Welcome to Whassup: Post-Turkey Get Down Edition:

* Thursday, Nov. 29: Bare! Anniversary, Bell House: The sex storytelling show's one-year anniversary, delayed by some bitch named Sandy who blew everyone (sex reference!), finally gets its day in the red lights! Come see comedians, storytellers, and other purveyors of entertaining communication talk all about the things our stanky parts make us do. 8pm, $10.

* Friday, Nov. 30: Flanks Album Release Show, Jalopy: A local, down-and-gritty country band, The Flanks, will just about have you pulling Alabama dirt from your fingernails. No. But you'll probably stomp the ground a bit. Plus, these guys just love performing, which is fun to see. Say "y'all" at them and feel good doing it. Two sets by the Flanks,  with fellow folk jammers Flight Feathers and the Strung Out String Band taking the other slots.  8pm, $15.

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Whassup: Big Ol' Thanks Edition

Powerhouse Arena is hosting an all-star reading to fight Sandy damage.

So, we've reached the point where just everyone is hosting a Hurricane Sandy benefit. And I say this as a good thing: if you don't at least know someone involved with one of these fundraisers, then you probably have no friends. (That's as positive and uplifting as I get, folks!) It's pretty awesome. Go out, drink, have fun -- help people who need it. It's cool that so many artists, musicians, comedians, event organizers, and venue chiefs have found a way to tie self-promotion to selflessness. America! As we head into Turkey week, it's something to be thankful for. Welcome to Whassup: Big Ol' Thanks Edition:

* Thursday, Nov. 15: Cringe, Freddy's: The Freddy's original remains one of the most popular events at the bar, with good reason. The idea is brilliant in its simplicity: performers read selections from their teenage journals, short stories, rock operas, etc. It'll make your skin crawl so good. 7:30pm, FREE.

* Thursday, Nov. 15: Dale Radio, Film Biz Recycling: It's Gowanus' very own talk show! Come and show the hurricane how tough we Brooklynites are by being entertained right by the canal the storm so recently surged. 7:30pm, FREE.

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