EAT IT: Bye Bye Lucas Foods & Some Gorilla Gossip

original image: Here's Park Slope+ PLEASE DON’T DROP OFF YOUR KIDS HERE: PS Brooklyn is not a school, it’s a restaurant! It will open the first week of December in the former Bussacco space at 833 Union Street, serving American comfort food (via Brownstoner).

+ BYE BYE: Lucas Fine Foods at 847 Union closed, because apparently it was never open when people wanted to go there. They will continue to do catering and dinner delivery, and a monthly tasting. The ice cream they sold, Ample Hills Creamery, will be opening its own store in Prospect Heights (via Grub Street).

+ GORILLA GOSSIP: Gorilla Coffee made the beans more expensive, by making the bags smaller. Sneaky! (via Brooklynian).

+ BURGER WARS Smashburger is coming to Brooklyn, and so is Shake Shack. WAR! Though Smashburger is not saying where in BK they're going, they are hopefully/maybe/probably coming to Park Slope?? PLEASE?? (via Diner's Journal)

+ WAKE UP: I’m not one of those bitchez you can count on to be constantly shithoused out of her brains on Sunday mornings, and so I sometimes wake up hungry for an early brunch. Like ten? Would it kill a place that sells something other than bagels to open before 11:30 in Park Slope? I want to get in there while the god-fearing among us are churching it up, and while the BREEDERS are still looking for little snookem’s hat and gloves and shoes and packing up their two-ton bug-a-boos. I thought nice brunch places were like bars, where you go to talk about adult shit like who you had sex with last night, and was it any decent. If you’re taking your kid out to a brunch spot that features pancakes with mint garnishes and isn’t called IHOP, then your kid better sit in their fucking chair and not throw organically sourced grits on the floor. kthanks.

EAT IT: King of Cupcakes Blows & SOUPPPPPP!

photo via: Here's Park slopeHere's what's been goin down...IN YOUR MOUFS.

+ The King of Cupcakes, at 240 7th Ave: I will pay $3.25 for a Sprinkles or Magnolia cupcake, but those look delicious, taste delicious, and, oh yeah, they're big enough to be visible. The King wants to charge you $2.75 PLUS TAX (huh? on a baked good? huh?) for a total of $2.99 for a miniature version ("The Prince") of what is, duh, already a miniaturized item. The reviews are in on Brooklynian, if you want to hear from anyone optimistic enough to actually buy these things. The King size, which is no fun if you want to sample multiple flavors, goes for just a hair over $4 with tax. I went by three times this weekend and still could not convince myself to drop cash on cupcakes I could barely see. These are decidedly smaller than the cups of your muffin pan at home. Plus the frosting-to-cake ratio, unlike most other places, leans far into the too-little category (like, lots of naked cake) and they looked kind of melty. (What is up with Park Slope's failure to serve cupcakes at proper temperature? LadyBird serves them straight from a refrigerated section, even if you say you're eating it right then.) PASS! The King does have a handful of gelato varieties, including pumpkin, which I sampled and it was meh, and some cheesecake slices that looked decent enough. [ed note: I tried these bitches on the night of Halloween, and I agree completely: the cake to frosting ratio is COMPLETELY unacceptable! I do not, I repeat DO NOT want any visible cake on my cupcake. In fact, I want the frosting to be so plentiful, that thing needs to be hard to lift. These things could not have been more mediocre...they are what the word "meh" was invented for].

+ Crespella Crepe & Espresso Bar, next to the F/G stop on 7th Ave: They currently do coffees, sweet crepes, and a selection of Robicelli's cupcakes. The guys at the counter were really friendly and told me that in the next week or so Crespella will debut a chickpea flour-based batter for savory crepes, so I might go back to try those, or one of the sweet ones.

+ IF YOU WANNA GET SOPHISTICATED 'N' SHIT: There's a new little euro cafe in town, Venticinque at 162 5th Ave. Drink lots of Italian stuff. Wear black.

+ ANOTHER PLACE TO GET DRUNK AND LOOK CLASSY: Soigne Restaurant and Wine Bar will open December 1st in the former Magnolia space at 486 6th Ave.

+ OMG YOU GUYS, YOU'LL NEVER BELIEVE THIS!: A pizza--no, no, you read that right--a pizza joint will be taking over 140 7th Ave!!!! Finally some g-d- 'za in this g-d- nabe!!! Here's Park Slope reports that at least the pizza is not supposed to be all that bad--an outpost of Gino's in Bayside. On Yelp Gino's has half-a-star-higher ratings even than VIPizza in Bayside, which is srsly great, so maybe i'll be tempted to try it...if i haven't already walked by one million other pizza places. No word yet on opening day.

+ GET YER HOT SOUP: The Soup Bowl is replacing Uncle Louie G's ice cream at 321 7th Ave from now until March. Supposed to be some pretty gourmet shizz, but let's hope they don't forget about Italian Wedding!

+ SPECIAL SHOUT-OUT: The pizza rustica slice (which is basically a quiche) at Brooklyn Larder on Flatbush. HOLY FUCK. I mean, jesus. This is some fucking delicious $%#&^@! 

+ SPECIAL PLEA: Yes, cupcake truck, I saw you on 7th the other day. Yes, fro-yo truck, I saw you too. Though I'm not particularly keen on eating either of you out of a truck, I would like to see more of you. I would like to see a Dosa truck, and maybe once in a while a street gyros that does not taste like barf rolled up with mayonaisse tzatziki in a pita. Like, a flaming saganaki truck would be awesome in Park Slope.

EAT IT: Freddy's Is Back and Bagel Market is OPEN

Here's what's been goin down...IN YOUR MOUFS.

+ JUST SIGNED THE LEASE: A reason to root for the Nets: they kicked out Freddy’s Bar from Prospect Heights, but ONTBKB reports Freddy’s will be reopening South Slope-style, on 5^th between 17^th & 18^th. 

+ EXPANDING: JH Market on 7^th between 11^th & 12^th is getting bigger and better, and changing their name to The Bad Wife. Ooh, naughty. They’ll be closed for two weeks while they expand into the adjacent storefront.

+ SNORE: An Italian place will be taking up the spot at 140 7^th Ave...file this under Who Gives A Shit? Perhaps Park Slope Neighbors should start a new campaign against the opening of any more pizza-pasta places taking up valuable real estate that could go to, I don’t know, ANY OTHER TYPE OF FOOD. My vote would be an actually Mexican-run Mexican non-fancy-bistro type place.

+ BUT YOU CAN’T HAVE TOO MANY BAGELS: Therefore, all hail the grand opening of Bagel Market, on 7^th at President. Apparently they had balloons and face painting, so hopefully all you BALLERS avoided that shit. avoid until next week if you don’t have a bebe in tow.

+ MORE, PLEASE! Finally, a lady with a plan and a cooler full of empanadas! According to The Brooklyn Paper Valeria is selling some unlicensed, and therefore even more delicious, Argentinean specialties while on the prowl weekends in Prospect Park. I would also like to see this in grilled cheese and French crepe, kthnx.