Ridin' the STF-Train

Click to enlarge, buds.

I don't have to tell you twice that I fucking love sitting on Missed Connections.  (Which, as I remain single becomes increasingly sadder, but we won't really deal with that right now, k?)  Trolling last night--for you guys, of course--I landed on this (unsanitary) shit:

"After a bumpy ride from Bed Bath and Beyond, I sat down in front of you. You got a little too close, but I figured it was because the train was getting crowded.  The crowd eased up a bit, and so did you.  You grabbed yourself once.  You grabbed yourself twice.  I figured you were sweaty.  You grabbed yourself a third, fourth, a fifth time. I figured you were REALLY sweaty.  You grabbed yourself a sixth and seventh time.  I thought you had a STD.  You grabbed yourself an eighth, ninth and finally tenth time - all between Smith and Ninth Street and Fourth Avenue.  I know you have an STD.  I know you are a creep. You got off at 7th Avenue, or maybe earlier."

I also know I don't have to tell you twice how much the F train causes me intense pain, though, apparently, not as much pain as this dude is going through.  I would like to add that ladies as a whole are not staring at your shit, but if you stick it in our faces, you leave us with no choice.

So, which one of you is the STD-infested creepy crotch grabber?  And, who of you have gotten an STD from him?  Not this chick, with her AP-style honed omission of the Oxford Comma, that's for sure.

Remember kids, use a condom. 

Coming-2-TheSlope: Restaurant Update

Fornino and Thistle Hill are almost here!  We are le stoked.  Here's some gossip from yer newest local gluttony points o' interest:

THISTLE HILL: Menu's posted on the door, and ladies and gents, food looks amazing.  I pass it nearly every day and have to concentrate on not wetting myself when I think about the ricotta gnocci.  Thinking about it right now, actually, but I'm wearing my good jeans.  Anyway, just in case you're curious what happens when you mix one yuppie neighborhood with one old punk dude, I have the answer: the Fat Mike Burger.  House-ground, grass-fed beef, potato roll and salt & pepper fries.  Snippet of the menu in the photo up top.

FORNINO: Grub Street says that the new Fornino locay on Fifth Ave is getting a little risky: Chef Ayoub is forgoing traditional brick oven pizza for grilled pies. The news is rocking the pizza world (which, incidentally, is like, me and a couple of other dudes who squat outside Di Fara, no biggie).  The best part?  Let out your pants, friends: they'll be in delivery-ready perfect circles and nothing will be more than $20.  Yes, please. Full menu here.

I'm pretty excited to erase all of the calorie-burning work I've done over the last three months in one fell swoop.  So, who's with me?

FIPS CARES: Dance Your Ass Off!?

Ok, so we've gotten several questions about our upcoming event(s) tonight (Big Gay Meatup!) (Spring Break Dance Party!) and I thought I would answer em all up here. First of all: your ass better be coming...cause EVERYONE is welcome tonight. Second of all: are you COMING??

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Who Gives A Shit: How Much Do you Pay Your Housekeeper?

Look people: I know that I'm basically handing you the "gentrification," "rich white people have got SUCH problems," blah, blah, blah angle here, but fuck it. I need some help.

So today's question is: *if* you are one of those sonofabitches who is lucky enough to have a housekeeper:

• How much do you pay?
• How big is your apt?
• How often does he/she come?

That's it.

Here are our specs: We have a 1bd apt (690sf) and I want someone to come every *other* week. We have a dog (obvi) but that's our only challenge. I found someone who I really like, but she wants to charge me $100 and I kind of feel like that's highway robbery. But WTF do I know? (don't answer that).

I started inquiring on Twitter last night and so far have gotten the following responses:

• "$80 for 2 bd, every 2 weeks. However, stinky teen boys reside here."
• "I pay $80 for a 3 br, 2 bath."
• "Mine is 80 dollars for a one-bedroom. also she is awesome and cleans out my fridge."
• "$60 every other week for a 2br."
• "We pay $100 which is a deal since we have 4 fur people and male in house."
• "We pay $70 for a 2br/2 bath apt with 1100 square feet.
• "20$ an hour for 3 hours."
• $15 an hour (she just started last week), though she only takes clients who want her to come every week; we have a 3 bedroom and it takes her 3 hours."
• "$55, also 1 BR." [daym, not sure if this dude is importing child labor from some 3rd world country that you wanna accuse me of being racist toward or what, but that's quite a deal].

So what say you guys??

Not Eating out in Park Slope (The results!)

So remember when we approached Cathy Erway of Not Eating Out in New York to recreate a beloved dish from a local Park Slope restaurant to provide us with an easy-to-follow recipe that we can make at home? 

Well, here it is, yo.  

In our original requests for dishes to create, BK Girl commented, asking for a recipe for a good squid salad.  And I was all like, "Stone Park Cafe's octopus appetizer is so good that it makes me want to fork over what meager salary I make every goddamned time I walk in that place"  (Full disclosure: I actually went to Stone Park Cafe this weekend and dropped $60 on dinner.  I guess I'll pay the ConEd bill, uh, never), so I suggested that Cathy try that one.

She she did, and here are the results!

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