Ridin' the STF-Train

Click to enlarge, buds.

I don't have to tell you twice that I fucking love sitting on Missed Connections.  (Which, as I remain single becomes increasingly sadder, but we won't really deal with that right now, k?)  Trolling last night--for you guys, of course--I landed on this (unsanitary) shit:

"After a bumpy ride from Bed Bath and Beyond, I sat down in front of you. You got a little too close, but I figured it was because the train was getting crowded.  The crowd eased up a bit, and so did you.  You grabbed yourself once.  You grabbed yourself twice.  I figured you were sweaty.  You grabbed yourself a third, fourth, a fifth time. I figured you were REALLY sweaty.  You grabbed yourself a sixth and seventh time.  I thought you had a STD.  You grabbed yourself an eighth, ninth and finally tenth time - all between Smith and Ninth Street and Fourth Avenue.  I know you have an STD.  I know you are a creep. You got off at 7th Avenue, or maybe earlier."

I also know I don't have to tell you twice how much the F train causes me intense pain, though, apparently, not as much pain as this dude is going through.  I would like to add that ladies as a whole are not staring at your shit, but if you stick it in our faces, you leave us with no choice.

So, which one of you is the STD-infested creepy crotch grabber?  And, who of you have gotten an STD from him?  Not this chick, with her AP-style honed omission of the Oxford Comma, that's for sure.

Remember kids, use a condom.