IRONIC PARK SLOPE STRIPPERS PRODUCE NON-IRONIC PARK SLOPE BONERS
Benjamin | Wednesday, March 18, 2009 at 12:45AM ;)
Holy. Fucking. Ass.
Believe it or not, the above photo was taken on Monday night at a Park Slope establishment. Praise Jesus; would you look at that shit? Never in all my Park Slope history (except maybe for grabbing Leah's ass at the FIPS meetup) have I ever had to run home and rub one out so badly.
Now, I had heard a lot about this bar – Lucky 13 Saloon – and I had heard that some cool-ass shit went down there; shit that was WAY too cool to actually be happening in Park Slope. But as these photos prove, it IS happening in Park Slope, albiet in a hippsteriffic Post-Punk Street Carnage context.
I'm so glad it's couched in female dominance and postmodern irony, because now making a girl show you her tits is no longer offensive! See, it's all above board and blessed by the Politically Correct goddesses of rackets like Gorilla Coffee - and therefore everything is ok!
Praise fucking Jesus; can I get a witness: (yeah, they're clickable)
;)
;)
(Please note that I took the time to blur out EVERY single face in these photos, so that in case you were at the bar that night but told your wife you were at an aids rally or a van halen concert or some shit, and she happens to read my crappy blog, she doesn't now have you pegged as a dick-slapping whoremonger)
Here's my plan: I'm going back to Lucky 13 and telling the next williamsburgy stripper on that pole that I'm writing a dissertation on modes of orgasmic sustainability in Obama's post-racial America. I'll let her know that if she agrees to give me a hummer behind the counter, 100% of the renewable energy it generates will go directly to freeing Palestine.
Did you wise-asses already know about this place? Tell me your Lucky 13 experiences - or just give up your smugness for once and admit that you're as shocked as I am.
WORD!
-->
Reader Comments (76)
I thought you were above this. Goodbye FIPS. I didn't know that the people who wrote for it were nothing but trashy liars and womanizers.
For the record, I've been following your blog since its inception and I really enjoyed it, told my friends about it, read it every day. But pretty much since Erica wrote asking for more writers (giving indication she was bored/sick of it) and you had that whole fucking PHISH immature thing all over the blog last week, I realized that reading it is making me dumber.
Maybe I'm just one person but in my opinion if your blog continues to promote the objectification of women/cheating/hating on everyone except Jews then I will spend my reading time elsewhere.
Fuck FIPS. I've had it.
I will NEVER move from the Slope now!
Yeeeeeeeee Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!
Come to Burkelee, babies!
oh YES! This shit is the cure to park slope.
i want to hit the titty bar RIGHT FING NOW- anyone with me? holla back!
wow, what a tightass- you are BANNED from fips, first commenter. BANNED!
As a trashy liar and womanizer, I'll invite you to go fuck yourself and stop raining on my tits
Yes, you are right "This is seriously..." - I am shocked to read that guys love tits. especially here on fips!!
Censor yourselves fips, and show some decorum! and your tits!
me-motha-fuckin-YOW (in response to first poster)
Holy shit. Every time there's been a dancer when I was at Lucky 13, it's been a girl in a thong and a wifebeater with depressingly bruised thighs. Looks like things have changed.
Holy shit gents - imagine waking up next to that? (I'm referring to the first commenter)
Boy are you an insufferable twat - YES FIPS PLANS on continuing to womanize and drink heavily: SPEND YOUR READING TIME ELSEWHERE!
Great blog, this one - I agree we need a fips outing at Lucky 13.
Benjamin, i'm ridding with you, the next time you go I am there!!!
I'm buying first round and bringing a roll of singles.
Responder #1: The post isn't so bad. What IS obnoxious is calling the ladies "whores" and suggesting they give him a hummer. Crossing a line there, Ben. But whatever, it is FIPS so what do you expect? Friendly hand-holding positiveness?
It's one of the best metal bars in the city, which just oddly happens to be in PS. What else would you expect in a metal bar?
News flash: Strippers are usually prone to giving blowjobs, and I'd say that 99% of them are of questionable whore stock -- with the exception of the do-gooders like demi moore, of course.
High fiving FIPS for pushing this classy joint. Cheap dive with loud heavy music AND strippers in the Slope?!? I will have to pay the place a visit very very soon.
@this is seriously unabashedly sexist & disgusting: I call BULLSHIT.
There is ZERO chance you were "following" the blog since its inception and "really enjoying it" when OUT OF THE BLUE, this post came along causing you to all of the sudden hate FIPS. If you really liked FIPS, you'd be printing out this post and hanging it on your fucking refrigerator. Anyway, hopefully you are legitimately done, cause your comments are clogging up the titty stream here, and, quite frankly, we'd all like to get back to the T&A chatter.
As per usual, this blog gives my life purpose (and also PLEASE organize a field trip soon, Benjamin, so we can investigate further).
FUCKERS KEEP THIS SHIT ON THE DOWN-LOW this is the best bar in the slope! Last thing we need is Uppity Slopers protesting it, hence commenter one!
God damn if this blog get this place blown up I will burn the Internet down!
Hey,
Have I sent this to you guys before?
http://www.christianbook.com/Christian/Books/product?item_no=102766&event=ECF
Sorry, can't remember.
seriously, yes we all know that 13's is cool, but don't put it on the radar of bleeding heart liberals!
Biblically speaking, what is "a length of cord," Nah? Also, what does it have to do with bottle caps?
Hey, check out this site I found: http://tinyurl.com/56t5ao
Since I own Lucky 13 Saloon, and am a woman, I'd have to say no one is allowed to take offense with my glorious "strippers" who would prefer to be called "dancers" or "burlesque performers," which also makes it legal. ;) Though I was a stripper for years and prefer the straight-up term "stripper." But this is, after all, park slope. :)
See you all soon!
-melody
Isn't "Crocodile Doc" a song by Elton John? It's about that woman... uh... Gorillas in the Mist lady... anyway, she was like a veterinarian for crocodiles in that song, right?
thanks melody!
Love my Jameson and Bud at the only non-pretentious bar in the slope!
Alright, sorry guys. I was acting like an immature asshole when I wrote the above comment.
I'm back and I love FIPS
"Love my Jameson and Bud at the only non-pretentious bar in the slope!"
Whoa! Is Lucky 13 some sort of anti-religious pot bar or something?
i take offense to ur comment that strippers are whores who give blowjobs. I'm a stripper and I've never once given so much as a hand job ever. nor will i. so fuck u.