Here are some HEALTHY Park Slope DELIVERY options FOR YOUR FAT, LAZY ASS

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When I first moved to Park Slope from Smalltown, USA, I was seduced by all the decadent dishes that were only a click of my Seamless app away. What do you mean I can get fried mac & cheese, fried pizza and twice fried cherry pie at 11pm on a Tuesday? (ChipShop, you are the spawn of Satan). But with the nicer weather upon us (because it's been such a ball buster of a winter), it's time to reign shit in, health-wise.

Turns out there are quite a few neighborhood delivery options that taste pretty damn good. And when the food arrives, you won't be treating the delivery dude like it's a hostage exchange. Here are my top three favorite Park Slope places to get healthy delivery:

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PARK SLOPE MOMMIES TO Get GROOMED AND DRUNK at 5th ave's Beauty Bar

If you've been to Beauty Bar on Manhattan's East Side, or any of its outposts in ten cities across America, then you know what to expect: retro-chic furnishings, chrome dome hair dryers, a mildly amused DJ spinning scratchy bee-bop tracks as hipsters & greasers do the twist on a checkered floor. These places are dark and loud and too-cool-for-school. You fight for a seat at the small crowded bar and contemplate whether it's a good idea to get a manicure from a boozed, tatted up chick hunched over a desk lamp (the answer, by the way, is yes).

When I first got wind that Beauty Bar was opening in Park Slope proper, I thought someone forget to do their research. I just couldn't imagine this scene jiving with the polished establishments on 5th Avenue. I found it hard to imagine them serving cocktails to the citizens of Strollerville. But then I remembered what I learned in business camp (no, really - business camp): localize. 

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Hey, Denver: Fuck You Too

The owner of a Denver-based boutique is talking shit about our 'hood. Why? Because he's jealous of our threads. And I don't blame him. Fancy Tiger shop owner Matthew Brown devoted a bunch of time opening his first fancy-pants clothing store, only to have a bunch of whiny bitches say "This is just like my favorite store -- in Brooklyn!" No doubt they were referring to Park Slope's own Something Else On Fifth.

So after the 500th yipster made this shocking comparison, Mr. Brown did what any self-respecting shop owner on the verge of a nervous breakdown would do: He made a shit ton of promo postcards proclaiming, FUCK BROOKLYN.

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5 Films to Match Your Park Slope Love Life

Is there anything worse than sitting down to escape with a good movie and finding that you've chosen the wrong one? Within the first 10 minutes you realize that Sex and the City was not the film to choose as just last week your sorry ass was jilted at the alter? Never fear! FiPS is offering up a list films set in the Big Apple to guide you through this season of love -- all custom tailored to fit your tax-filing status. From relationships to relationshits, we gotcha covered.

 

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Dude, Where's My Car? An Awful Journey in Getting My Towed Ride Back

If you find yourself looking for a parking spot on the corner of 5^th Ave and 1^st Street, driver beware.
On the side of the old Great Lakes building (and soon to be new wine bar, Terroir), is an incredibly deceptive parking spot.  ure, it’s kind of near a fire hydrant, but there’s a parking sign right above it, which leads one to think it’s fair game. Plus there’s a yellow line near the hydrant, indicating as long as you’re behind the line you’re in the clear. But if you adhered to the yellow line rule you’d block this driveway that's there, and that would be no good for anybody. Lastly, know that you will nearly always find a car parked in this spot. I know this because my window looks out on it. You won’t be the full 15 feet from the hydrant, but who’s getting out the tape measure?

Certainly not me as I drove in circles in a downpour, with mom, sis and my very cranky co-pilots: Dexter & Morgan (my cats, not the likable serial killer). We were driving from Albany after the holiday break and had a car full of crap to unload, so naturally I was thrilled to find this spot empty for once. I marveled at my good fortune.

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