Wednesday
Jan062010
Ad-derall: Skechers Shape-Ups
Posted by: 
Amanda | Wednesday, January 6, 2010 at 9:03AM
Amanda | Wednesday, January 6, 2010 at 9:03AM 
Ad-deral is a column in which we rant and riff on the ridiculous ads we're subjected to while trapped on the subway. From the borderline racist local businesses (1-800-MARGARITA Divorce Attorneys) to the condescending national brands that pretend to know what it's like to ride the goddamned F train every day (Snickers, Delta), we'll tackle them all with the same smug outlook that has made us totally (not) famous.
It's a new year, so everyone is desperately holding tight to their resolutions to lose weight and pretending like they're not going to spend this weekend drinking 10,000 beers and placing 2AM orders with Dominos.
I feel you, my delusional brethren, because I am one of those people who would like to lose weight, but am often sidelined by my passion for food (more specifically, cheese), as well as my confrontations with alcohol. I applaud people who find the motivation to drag their fat, tired asses to the gym after work, when all anyone wants to do is eat several hot slices of pizza (picked up on the way back from the subway!) and collapse on the couch for a marathon of Intervention (just me?).
What pisses me off though, is all of those get-thin-quick schemes.
Look, I know that the rise of PDAs, high-speed internet, and fast food has ensured that we all have the patience of a crack addict, but if you weigh 180 and you want to be 120, it's going to involve some work to get there.
Like, hard work.
Like, at the gym, all the time, eating shit that looks like it was scraped off of the side of a tree kind of work.
So take this new ad from Skechers, touting their new fugly shoe called Shape-Ups. The message? OMG It's like a gym INSIDE of your shoe. How crazy is that? You gotta get yourself a pair of these shoes because they will improve your posture, improve your blood circulation (?!), strengthen your back, tighten your abdominal muscles, firm calf muscles, help you win a million dollars, assist you in reconciling with estranged relatives, AND HELP YOU LOSE WEIGHT WHILE YOU WALK. YOU NEED THESE SHOES, YOU FAT ASS! YOU CAN LOSE WEIGHT WITHOUT EVER STEPPING FOOT IN A GYM!
Well, newsflash: you can already lose weight while you walk, because walking is already exercise. And I'm pretty sure that if your lifestyle is already sedentary (ie: the only place you will walk with your Shape-Ups on is to the fridge), wearing these shoes for the minimal walking that you do isn't going to help. It's like that time you tried Trim Spa because Anna Nicole Smith stepped out of a white limo and went from being a drugged out whale to a drugged out (and dead) dolphin (I was trying to keep with the marine-themed analogies). Your stomach hurt, you didn't really lose any weight, and your role model dropped dead.
Listen people: get another hero, and get your stupid ass to the gym. Short cuts are for douchebags, and you're not a douchebag, are you?
It's a new year, so everyone is desperately holding tight to their resolutions to lose weight and pretending like they're not going to spend this weekend drinking 10,000 beers and placing 2AM orders with Dominos.
I feel you, my delusional brethren, because I am one of those people who would like to lose weight, but am often sidelined by my passion for food (more specifically, cheese), as well as my confrontations with alcohol. I applaud people who find the motivation to drag their fat, tired asses to the gym after work, when all anyone wants to do is eat several hot slices of pizza (picked up on the way back from the subway!) and collapse on the couch for a marathon of Intervention (just me?).
What pisses me off though, is all of those get-thin-quick schemes.
Look, I know that the rise of PDAs, high-speed internet, and fast food has ensured that we all have the patience of a crack addict, but if you weigh 180 and you want to be 120, it's going to involve some work to get there.
Like, hard work.
Like, at the gym, all the time, eating shit that looks like it was scraped off of the side of a tree kind of work.
So take this new ad from Skechers, touting their new fugly shoe called Shape-Ups. The message? OMG It's like a gym INSIDE of your shoe. How crazy is that? You gotta get yourself a pair of these shoes because they will improve your posture, improve your blood circulation (?!), strengthen your back, tighten your abdominal muscles, firm calf muscles, help you win a million dollars, assist you in reconciling with estranged relatives, AND HELP YOU LOSE WEIGHT WHILE YOU WALK. YOU NEED THESE SHOES, YOU FAT ASS! YOU CAN LOSE WEIGHT WITHOUT EVER STEPPING FOOT IN A GYM!
Well, newsflash: you can already lose weight while you walk, because walking is already exercise. And I'm pretty sure that if your lifestyle is already sedentary (ie: the only place you will walk with your Shape-Ups on is to the fridge), wearing these shoes for the minimal walking that you do isn't going to help. It's like that time you tried Trim Spa because Anna Nicole Smith stepped out of a white limo and went from being a drugged out whale to a drugged out (and dead) dolphin (I was trying to keep with the marine-themed analogies). Your stomach hurt, you didn't really lose any weight, and your role model dropped dead.
Listen people: get another hero, and get your stupid ass to the gym. Short cuts are for douchebags, and you're not a douchebag, are you?
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