BREAKING: ATLANTIC TERMINAL SOMEHOW GETS *EVEN* UGLIER

image via Gothamist

As we all know, everything at Atlantic Terminal is totally fucked up and sucky (except for the fact that there are 9,000 subway lines there and the LIRR).

Anyway.

It's no surprise, that literally decades after they began the work, the new LIRR terminal just opened up--and despite the fact that its kind of nice-ish inside, outside its ugly as fuck. Why you ask?

Cause of these things: "14 massive coffin-shaped concrete-and-granite bollards [which were included] to ward off potential, though unspecified, terror attacks," according to the Brooklyn Paper. The Long Island Rail Road President, Helena Williams goes on to explain: "We worked with the NYPD and the MTA police, who assess the risks and tell us what kind of security we need. Do these bollards lack elegance? Yes. But they are necessary."

OMFG.

First of all: you people were GETTING ADVICE FROM THE MTA!!?? ABOUT ANYTHING!!?? That's like saying "well, I've really been having a tough time meeting the ladies, so I thought I would get some advice on what I could be doing better as well as some general tips on dating...and, of course, I reached out to Flava Flav."

I mean aa;fjla;dfja;jsfa;fjla;sldfjas;lfja;jl!!??

Though the correct term is bollards, people are literally referring to these things as coffins...and I don't disagree. The Brooklyn Paper mentions bullshit concerns about terror, but perhaps this gesture was more symbolic? I mean, I often feel like crawling into a coffin after spending any amount of time at the Atlantic Terminal, so what better way for the builders to tip their hats to this shared feeling that even death would be preferable to ever visiting that place again, than to line up 14 of these fuckers IN FRONT OF THE BUILDING.

Also, what sort of terrorist bullshit is this going to protect us from? I'm no scientist, but seems to me the ONLY thing these things might be ok for is stopping someone from driving into (only that section of the building, mind you) with a big truck full of explosives. But as we all know, no one who works ANYWHERE in that entire building is paying attention to shit. Christ, I could probably walk right into Target wearing a Bin Laden tee, grab a shopping cart (if they weren't all already taken, which let's be realistic...), load it up with bomb building materials (if they were in stock, which let's be realistic....) and start building some explosives right in the middle of the fucking shoe department before anyone would ever notice what the fuck was going on or be even the least bit concerned.

I don't know...it's like the universe simply cannot allow anything nice to exist in that spot. Like its not karmically possible.

Oh, and also (as robnyc pointed out below), that spot happens to be one of the most DANGEROUS INTERESECTIONS in the tri-state area for pedestrians, according to a new report. It's totally fucking impossible (and, as per this report, very, very, dangerous) to try to get your ass across the street to the concrete cemetary Atlantic Terminal, and I don't think that's any accident (Gawd speaks to us in mysterious ways, people).

But whatever folks--the new Atlantic Pavillion has their bollards! God forbid anything ever did happen in that building terrorist-wise, you can rest assured that the ONLY fucking things left standing when all is said and done will be those motherfucking concrete coffins.

Yay.

(via Gothamist)