Whassup: Imminent Armageddon Edition

Since the world's supposed to end the 21st, y'all better enjoy Brooklyn before it gets incinerated like the Gommorrah that it is. Even if not--it's spring, the time of outdoor festivals and fairs, cavorting and catcalls--live like it's your last week on earth. Welcome to Whassup, Imminent Armageddon Edition:

* Thursday, May 12: Funk Dance Party, Brooklyn Bridge Park: Celebrate Brooklyn will be recruiting shakeable booties for a funk down led by saxaphonist Maceo Parker, a one-time collaborator with James Brown, Parliament, Bootsy Collins and Prince. Mayhaps you've heard of them. The dance part of your brain certainly has, by which I mean your soul. 7pm, FREE.

* Sunday, May 15: The Fabulous Fifth Avenue Fair: Celebrate the bestest avenue in Park Slope not named 7th (or, just the best, depending on your druthers) Street-Fair style. Outdoor stages at Southpaw, the Gate, Puppets/Timboo's jiggle with music, puppetry and other buskery-type attractions. FREE, Noon-5pm

* Monday, May 16: These United States, Brooklyn Bowl: Ok, I'm not above plugging a friend's show. TUS are rootsy, indie rock and they wear their scruffy beards well. It's a quality live show. Catch 'em before they blow up and annoying hipsters say they liked them before it was cool. $7, 8pm.

* Tuesday, May 17: Brooklyn Bloggers Meetup, Bell House: Co-hosted by FIPS, along with other BK faves The Skint, Brooklyn Based and Brokelyn. Balance the masturbatory nature of blogging, tweeting, twatting and other forms of social-media Tourette's against an unassailablly good thing: Proceeds benefit Nathan and Elisa Bond, parents to an 18-month-old, both diagnosed with cancer in the same week. There'll be live tweeting, beer specials and a screening of a video about photography and blogs. $5, 7:30pm.

* Wednesday, May 18: Two Truths and a Lie, Union Hall: A sleep-away camp ice breaker fuels this ive storytelling event that combines elements of fiction, memoir and old fashioned yarn spinnin'. I can't wait until they professionally stage the telling of ghost stories with a flashlight under your chin and s'more chocolate smeared all over your lips. FREE, doors 7:30.

* Thursday, May 19: NYC Opry Dance Party, Southpaw: Old-tyme country with clawhammer-banjo plucker Hilary Hawke and Slope country institution Alex Battles and the Whiskey Rebellion. Yee. Also, Haw. $10, 8pm doors.

* COMING UP:

* Saturday, May 21: Shop the Archway, DUMBO: Browse handmade, artisinal foods and crafts under the Manhattan Bridge overpass. Live music from local, indie acts along with a raffle and kids' crafts. It brings a whole new meaning to "crafty." Actually, just the original meaning. Still, you can probably find a cool gift that would have made you a great son/daughter on Mother's Day. 11am-6pm.