We Don't Need No Geese, Let the MoFo's Burn!

Lilly Frances for Park Slope PatchSo there seems to be some buzz lately about the renewal of a contract that essentially enforces a government mandated genocide of NYC’s goose population. In fact, there was a gathering of protesters this weekend who all joined hands around the lake in Prospect Park ("Give Geese A Chance!") to stand up for these guys.

Back in June, The Department of Agriculture led about 400 Prospect Park Geese into their gas chambers, and apparently the goal this year is to remove ALL geese within a seven-mile radius of LaGuardia and JFK airports.

WHAT?!

Their justification is based on that US Airways flight back in 2009 that was sent crashing (actually, emergency landing, not even crashing) into the Hudson River due to maybe hitting a flock of Canadian geese. That’s right, America, if there’s a species that gets in our way we make ‘em gone, Hitler style. Fuck nature! How dare those geese be in our air space!?...all flying around, minding their own business and shit!?

Now, first of all, let’s discuss the fact that everyone on that plane survived.  It wasn’t a tragedy, it just ended up being a cool story where a guy nicknamed Sully got to be a hero for saving a plane full of people after crashing into a confused flock of geese. That’s right, I said confused, not murderous. I’m pretty sure that there isn’t some sort of goose terrorism organization that's secretly planning a coup d’etat on our aviation system.

Secondly, when you think about it, we’re the ones that built giant, birdlike structures that allow us to even be up in the air in the first place. The geese have fucking WINGS! We're in their territory when we’re in the sky, not the other way around.

That being said, what I’m wondering is, why the immediate jump to a killing spree? Why the hell didn’t the government just pour some money into making our planes’ radars a little more high-tech so that they are able to detect geese and other smaller, winged creatures? That way we can avoid crashing into them in mid-air like idiots?

I mean, we have computers with cameras that allow us to talk to people face to face across the world in real time, I could go on Google Earth and zoom in on my mother’s house right now if I wanted to, we have iPads, iPods, iPhones, we have iEverything for fuck’s sake, I think we could handle coming up with something that allows us to see a smaller blip on the radar.

Instead, we’re just taking the “easy” route and killing things that get in our way in mass quantities. So where does it stop? Oh no! A group of squirrels ran in front of grandma’s car and she crashed into a pole, you’re all dead bitches! I really think we need to start exercising some better problem-solving tactics.

Get it together, America, you’re setting a bad example.