Undercover FIPS-tigation: Case of the Missing Mail (COTMM)

Not to beat a dead whore horse, but this whole not getting your mail thing is kind of a big deal.  Especially around this time of year, when you've got important financial documents coming.  Hey, USPS, how the fuck am I going to get the tax return that kinda sorta makes me forget that my job pays me in candy bar wrappers and thumbtacks?

So, we've decided to launch a full-scale investigation of this situation, and are kicking it off with me mailing myself a "test" letter (see above).   I dropped this sucker in the mailbox on Seventh Avenue right outside Smiling Happy Crack Face Pizza at 6:30AM this morning.  According to my calculations (and considering the fact that the envelope is travelling literally a few blocks away from its current location), I should receive the letter by Saturday morning AT THE LATEST [ed. note: SATURDAY??? Are you fucking kidding me?? You should get that back by tomorrow! If you don't have the letter by Friday, 1/22, protests should be staged]. 

I'll be reporting back on the on the COTMM (Case of the Missing Mail) if/when I get the letter. I will share results on: how long it took to reach me, the condition of the envelope when I received it, and more. 

I know what you're thinking: why is some dumb, unpaid blogger putting so much effort into some retarded exercise like mailing herself a letter?  I answer that, dear readers with the following: I'M A JOURNALIST (I graduated with a BA from Hollywood Upstairs Journalism College). 

We're blowing the lid off of this mofo, my friends.  People down at the Van Brunt Post Office are going to be so shocked and shamed, they might actually come out of the break room, put down their bongs and do something. 

I'm talking about change we can see, people. 

Somebody give me a Peabody Award, I deserve it. 

PS: BK RULZ.

PPS: If someone can tell me where the reference to "Hollywood Upstairs" College is stolen from, you win my infinite respect.