Undercover FIPS-tigation: Case of the Missing Mail (COTMM)

Not to beat a dead whore horse, but this whole not getting your mail thing is kind of a big deal.  Especially around this time of year, when you've got important financial documents coming.  Hey, USPS, how the fuck am I going to get the tax return that kinda sorta makes me forget that my job pays me in candy bar wrappers and thumbtacks?

So, we've decided to launch a full-scale investigation of this situation, and are kicking it off with me mailing myself a "test" letter (see above).   I dropped this sucker in the mailbox on Seventh Avenue right outside Smiling Happy Crack Face Pizza at 6:30AM this morning.  According to my calculations (and considering the fact that the envelope is travelling literally a few blocks away from its current location), I should receive the letter by Saturday morning AT THE LATEST [ed. note: SATURDAY??? Are you fucking kidding me?? You should get that back by tomorrow! If you don't have the letter by Friday, 1/22, protests should be staged]. 

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