An Open Letter To *Some* Park Slope Parents

I dug the recap that the City Room blog did summarizing some of the more "colorful" comments from the Letter to the Editor the other day about the babies in bars sitch in Park Slope. But thanks to the magic of google alerts, I came across this fine missive, An Open Letter To *Some* Park Slope Parents, from fellow BK blog Shouts from the Stoop. I'm reprinting it here now, cause its just that good, but after you're done reading it, I'd suggest you go click your ass on over to their blog, cause that's the neighborly thing to do:

Dear Selfish, Obama Voting, Change We Can Believe In, Negligent Parents:

I know it sucks that the West Indian nanny (who hates your guts) that you severely underpay to raise your kids has the audacity to ask for one day off a week. Life is hard in that way, I know.

But for those 24 hrs. when the nanny is not teaching your kid the Queen's English, you actually have to be the child's parent. And I know the Guide To Progressive Parenting says you should do things with your kid-but somehow (I hope) I don't think they mean you should take the little tyke to a local bar while you are getting your booze bag on.

How selfish can you be? Don't you know people go to bars to specifically not interact with your kid? Its a place where adults gather-why do you think you never see Michael Jackson, Roman Polanski or R. Kelly at a bar?

Since its a place that adults gather, you will find language, behavior and situations that are not child appropriate-even a child as bright as your kid, and I know your kid is really smart, cause that is all you ever talk about.

So its a pretty bad deal all around, it sucks for adults, and it sucks for your kid.

Take the little bastard to a movie or the park.

Your kid should be eating jello, not jello shots.

Something is really wrong when your designated driver was born in 2008.

You need to do some soul-searching if you are more concerned about free- range chicken than raising a de-ranged child.

Call me crazy, but I think when a two year old knows all the lyrics to The Doors "Road House Blues" it is more of a sign of sh*tty parenting than child intelligence.

Now, if you feel really strongly about permitting under-aged kids in bars, don't worry, time will fly by and before you know it, your little bundle of joy will soon be the teenager sneaking behind your back and drinking in the same bar where you currently give him a video game to keep him busy while you get your load on.

Or, if you are the real progressive type, your soon to be teenager won't have to sneak behind your back; I'm sure you will be sharing your pot with the future stoner.

But until that time, put down the blackberry, as well as the blackberry brandy, and take the kid out of the bar.

Oh, one last thing: If you change your kid's diaper on a table in a bar, you should be found guilty of a hate crime.

Baldman

We love you Baldman, oh yes we do. We don't love anyone as much as you. When you're not near us, we're blue, oh Baldman we love you.

(via Shouts from the Stoop)