Who Gives A Shit: 'Is Your Dog Friendly?'

So, dog owners do this thing when they meet each other on the street: in order to gauge whether one dog will bite the other dog's fucking head off, we'll call out "is your dog friendly?"

Seems kind of innocuous, no?

But this being Park Slope-n-all, there is no such thing.

I'm lucky enough to have a super duper friendly dog. In fact, Oliver is utterly fucking dumbfounded if your dog is walking by and doesn't want to say hello to him. It's like his brain can't compute the information, and he just stares, watches the dog pass, and takes one last long look back as if to say: WHAT DID I EVER DO TO YOU TO DESERVE THIS SORT OF TREATMENT!?"

So, ok: granted if your dog *is* friendly, there's not much more to say than "yes!" or "very" when another dog owner inquires as to their level of approachability. However, I've begun to notice something lately from the "not friendly" dog owner camp and it usually makes me wanna vom.

Rather than just saying "NO...he's not friendly" and leave it at that, everyone needs to come up with some sort of War and Peace explanation as to why their dog may or may not get all cujo: "well, he's VERY friendly, but only with female dogs...is your dog a male or a female?" or "he's almost always super friendly, but sometimes on long walks or if he's really tired he might be a bit unpredictable" (said as the woman felt confident enough to approach me and my dog with her "unpredictable" pooch." Or this one was my fave from yesterday: "he's friendly, but he doesn't get along with old dogs." UHM, what!? Your dog is an ageist? Or a sexist? Or a racist!?

HONESTLY, I DON'T GIVE A SHIT! I JUST WANT A SIMPLE "YES" OR "NO."

I will not judge you or think you less of a person because your dog is not friendly. I will not assume you don't care about society, or animal rights, or locally produced food. I will not assume that you are a bad fur mommy or fur daddy. I will not assume that you (or your dog) are in therapy.  I just wanna know, quickly and without bullshit, whether or not I should be concerned about your dog biting my dog's face. That's IT.

Sheesh.

Who Gives A Shit: Atlantic Yards-n-Park Slope

image via Threecee on FlickrOk, so there's been A LOT of talk about Bruce Ratner's Atlantic Yards project. And most of it hasn't been from us, because there are peeps out there doing a way the hell better job covering it. If you wanna catch up on all the details throughout the history of time, click on over to:

+ Atlantic Yards Report

+ Develop Don't Destroy

+ No Land Grab

The downsides of this project have been discussed again and again, and include: eminent domain abuse, fake affordable housing that's not really so affordable, the promise of jobs that can't really be promised cause they are union only jobs, the Frank Gehry brewhaha, etc. For a good summary, check out Atlantic Yards: A Crash Course.

Needless to say, a lot of ppl think this is gonna be bad news bears on multiple fronts.

And yes I know this project is gonna take forever and a fucking day, but since I'm a self-centered bitch, I'm wondering what you ppl think the effects of the Atlantic Yards project will be on THE BEST NEIGHBORHOOD TO LIVE IN NYC: Park Slope. What's gonna happen to us?

An influx of basketball playing residents who want to be closer to the stadium? A worse parking sitch than we already have? Crazy traffic? Plummeting real estate values? Cheaper rents? Nothing? Everything? 

Spill it.

Who Gives A Shit: Do You Want A Walmart In Brooklyn?

I've been to Walmart once in my life. To buy a gun.

Yes, I broke my decades-long boycott when we somehow got suckered into buying the older an air/bb rifle that he couldn't survive a summer upstate without. It's in a place of honor up in the inaccessible attic, after a visiting friend shot his brother with a stone he'd stuck down it this summer.

I love that gun even if it's not a Glock. But, given the precariousness of mental health conditions in our borough, I just don't feel comfortable with the idea of a Walmart coming to town. According to my due diligence on Glocktalk.com's Caliber Corner forum, you need a permit for a gun in NY, but what are the chances of them asking for it in East New York?

Click to read more ...

Who Gives A Shit: Is The Park Slope Food Coop Worth It?

image via @SdiddyBKLYNOh man. While blogging mostly sucks a dizzle, sometimes the universe just drops a jucy little somethin somethin into your lap as if to say: YOU CAN DO IT. DON'T GIVE UP, OLD BLOGGER, OLD PAL! EVERYTHING IS GONNA BE OK!

And this Brooklynian thread is exactly wtf I'm talking about.

Some Park Slope newb is just wondering: is it worth it to join the Park Slope Food Coop??

And while I loved the shit outta all the responses and found a link to a fucking treasure trove of old Coop rants that could keep me busy for days, this is the first time I've ever seen a mathematical formula developed that will tell you once and for all whether or not it's worth your time to join to Food Coop.

I, for one, take a time value of money perspective. The value of my free time (in this case, the value of doing something other than a coop shift) is more valuable to me than the value the coop presents in terms of sense of community, locally sourced high quality food and attractive prices (there might be others) less the hassle factor. The hassle factor includes the things commonly mentioned by coop members as being drawbacks such as the high traffic during peak shopping times, keeping up with shifts, dealing with an unprofessional volunteer staff (again - there may be others).

If you can quantify the variables I've mentioned, you can create a formula. Where T(v) = Time value, B = value you place on the benefits, and H = value you place on the hassles. If T(v) is greater than B-H, then you should not join.

Hats off to Brooklynian commenter Jamzer for that one. While I switched my college major to avoid a math requirement, this is the kind of math problem I can't get behind.

Who Gives A Shit? Pine Needle Gate

It didn't take long but we have a new local scandal for a new year. No, I don't mean the suicidal dude who tried to kill himself over the weekend by jumping out his window only to land on a life-saving mound of garbage bags, courtesy of our beloved Sanitation Department. 

No, you know it's a whole new day, a whole new year when you go down to take out the recycling on the first Sunday evening of 2011 and see five separate irate notes yelling at the inconsiderate dumbasses who dragged their Christmas tree down the stairs sans bag and vacuum cleaner.

The perps left a telltale trail of pine needles from their door (they tried to clean up a touch by the actual door to cover up) but nothing gets by my good neighbors. And not a one of these notes was from me, either. 

Thank Gawd our tree is still standing in the corner; there could be a knock on the door any minute.

We are going to wait until it is so crispy, it catches on fire as we throw it out of our 4th floor window, yelling "look out below." No, actually, my family treehugger wraps our tree in enough plastic and duct tape to ensure that it will never shed a needle and then drags it up to the park to alleviate a little of our liberal guilt over killing it in the first place.

And yes, the same household who brings us the annual pine needle procession tried throwing it out the window a few years back. I watched in shock and awe as the dude stood on the fire escape with the tree and the wife tried to direct from below. And they're very nice the other 364 days of the year.  

So, where do you come down on this most important issue of 2011 (so far, anyway)? Would you pull out the vacuum? Would you publicly spank your neighbor for not? Would you buy them a giant tree bag for next year?

Do you give a shit?

Also, Attention Lazy Christians!!!! Per their press release, "the environmentally-friendly staff at 1-800 Mr. Rubbish will be voluntarily (as in free) picking up discarded holiday trees on January 8th and 9th as part of Mulchfest. All neighborhood residents living in the area between Union and 15th Street and between 6th Avenue and Prospect Park West can leave your tree at either end of your block before 1:00 p.m. on both days for pickup."