This Is What Happens on the F Train

I always, always have something to say (to the point where it is a problem).  Well, "always" until something like this happens.  And then, at an unfamiliar loss for words, I quietly extract my BlackBerry from my bag, snap a photo to send to SubwayDouchery, whisper "Why god, why?" and then step off the F train with slightly less faith in the human race.

Discuss.

Subway Etiquette for Suicidal Commuters?

Top thread this morning from Brooklynian Park Slope...

stopdoingthis  Tue Apr 27, 10 9:46 pm EST 
If you're considering offing yourself during my commute, please reconsider, and go upstairs and jump in front of a truck instead of jumping in front of the train. Thank you!

canyontothesky  Tue Apr 27, 10 11:33 pm EST    
this seems to be happening so frequently lately. I only moved to PS a year ago, though, so, is it always like this?

the0ther  Wed Apr 28, 10 12:35 am EST    
maybe you should move to japan where they send the bill to your family if your loved-ones jump in front of a train?

Hamilton  Wed Apr 28, 10 6:32 am EST 
That only applies for the ones they can't use as sushi.

I'm chagrined to admit, I kind of guffawed into my coffee cup. And who knew that Japan actually bills suicide charges to survivor's families?

But it does beg the question. Perhaps the F train could start offering platform counseling services to troubled commuters.

What do you think?

GET YOUR MOTHERFUCKING BACKPACK OUTTA MY MOTHERFUCKING FACE

This picture was taken Wednesday night, around 6:30 on the Brooklyn Bound Q Train. How did I get this photo, you might be wondering? Well, I managed to snap this by lifting up my iphone 1 millimeter from my face. Cause you see, that's WHERE THIS MOTHERFUCKERS'S BACKBACK WAS....DIRECTLY IN MY FACE.

Honestly, I'm bored of this shit too people. Like, why in the Christ are we still having this conversation?? How do you not know by now, that the moment you get on the subway, your backback needs to come OFF OF YOUR MOTHERFUCKING BACK??? You then place said backpack in between your legs, and stand there like a normal fucking human being until its time to get OFF the subway again, at which point you are then free to put your MOTEHRFUCKING BACKBACK back on your motherfucking back.

Any questions???

(p.s. This dude got off the train with me at the 7th Avenue stop...can anyone identify the stripey shirt or hipster wannabe haircut?).

COVERSPY: BECAUSE WE ARE ALWAYS JUDGING YOU

 

CoverSpy, the blog that tracks what all of your asses are reading on the subway, is one of my favorite new blogs. I love it mostly because it's fun being judgmental about what you’re reading, but also, because one of the main spies appears to live in the Slope (or surrounding area), since 75 percent of what (s)he posts occurs off the F train out of BK.

Yesterday morning, while perusing CoverSpy and judging you for your Jodi Picoult and cultural history of menstruation (yes, this is real) selections, I almost choked on my chamomile tea.  Oh Park Slope, congratulations.  You’ve officially out-caricatured yourself:

Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close, Jonathan Safran Foer (F, 20s, brunette, Park Slope Coop tote, F train)

Well done, my loves.  Now, which one of you is this…besides all of you?

Subway Dramz: 'When People Stop Being Polite and Start Getting Real'

While ever changing and expanding, the current order of shit I hate around here currently shakes out like this:

1. Time Warner Cable
2. The Chip Shop
3. The MTA

Unfortunately for an outraged, anon FIPS reader, I'm guessing she's got the MTA chillin in spot #1. She sent along a copy of a letter that she forwarded to the new British MTA CEO Jay Walder (sidenote: this dude is the only tiny glimmer of hope that the MTA *may not* spend a bazillion of our dollars and self-implode, though who knows) about a harrowing incident that went down last week.

And who can blame her, really? For me, the MTA has become this quasi-embodiement of...well...the Atlantic Terminal Mall. No one cares, everyone knows it, and so we've all just totally given up. Like when you are in Target and you can't find something, you don't bother asking anyone where it is, b/c you know that they won't know. And when they don't know (and sneer at you for asking), you don't bother going to their manager because you know that they won't give a shit either. Same thing with the MTA: its every man/woman/child for themselves. If you need something, good fucking luck finding someone who cares. It's kill or be killed down in the subway...literally.

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