Why Are You On My Train?

Buck and Rock from whyareyouonmytrain on Vimeo.

I say that phrase to myself in my head, every morn when I get on the Q, mostly because I'm jealous of all the seat hogging motherfuckers already on the train cause I wish I were one of them.

But the two ladies behind the Why Are You On My Train blog seem to have purer motivations: i.e. they just *really* wanna know wtf you're doing on their train...so much so, they'll record all the bullshit you tell them on camera and then post it on their site for all of us to see.

The videos are all kind of fascinating, especially the one above as I SAW THAT DUDE ON MY TRAIN THE OTHER DAY! I feel like singing that stupid "Circle of Life" song from the Lion King right now.

'Oh, You're Getting Fucking Arrested'

I have no clue where this woman actually lives, but fuck it: I'm nominating her for FIPS woman of the year anyway! We salute you, justifiably pissed off subway lady!

Apparently this chick was ridin the subz, mindin her own beezwax, when low and behold, she notices some dude WITH HIS JUNK OUTSIDE OF HIS PANTS tryin to press up against her. She wasn't quick enough with her Blackberry camera, but thankfully some bystander with an iPhone documented her rant in its entirety. Cause basically she went ape shit on the perp's ass...and it was totally fucking epic:

"Oh, you're getting fucking arrested. I'm not leaving your side. My plans are done for the night. I'm escorting you to the police station. Oh, yes. Oh, fucking yes."

You go girl.

(via URLesque)

COOL OR NOT COOL: Disgusting Subway Junk?

Ok, so let's just stop being polite and start getting real for a sec: this is one of the most vile things I have ever been witness to on our public transit system.

I could have sworn I did ANOTHER post on some similarly gross subway junk sitch with another dude, but I can't find it now. And anyway, even if I did, trust me: this was way the hell more disgusting.

I'm not quite sure what the best gameplan is for being fat and dealing with your own junk in a non-gagtastical way, but can we all just agree that this dude ain't doin it right??

For the record, Brooklyn bound Q, Monday eve.

As Tami from Season 2 of the Real World said: "this wasn't not funny."

[NOT COOL] Gettin Freaky Deaky On The Subway

It's not exactly breaking news to me that MTA workers don't care, cause not only do they not care about you, your subway, your subway cards, or anything related to wherever you're going, they don't even really care about themselves based on cell phone conversations I've overhead many of them have with angry boyfriends and girlfriends while I'm standing there waiting to add $2.25 to motherfucking card. And while I didn't really *think* that police officers cared either, I thought that maybe they'd at least fake it, but I guess not. Clearly we're all on our own here, ppl. Happy masturbating in the subway everyone!

Click to read more ...

Happy Hurricaine Earl Day, Y'All!

Yep, today's the day Hurricane Earl is supposed to hit NYC (or Eastern Long Island, rather). But DON'T WORRY! The MTA has a gameplan!

Perhaps you might recall the day in August, 2007 it basically just rained v. fucking hard, and the subway system was pretty much just shut down due to flooding? Yep...good times all around.

So, the crack team of visionaries over at MTA headquarters are busily planning and plotting about how to make sure that shit doesn't happen again. I think the chances of them actually avoiding another day long shit-show (if in fact it does get all hurricaine'd up around here) are about as good as Lindsay Lohan avoiding any future arrests for the rest of her life. But whatevs...snaps for trying.

And sidenote: am I *really* supposed to be afraid of a fucking hurricane named Earl? I'm picturing some dude sitting out in a broken lawn chair in front of his double wide with his 4 front teeth missing. I think the hurricane naming people need to get with the Blackberry naming people and have them help come up with some goddammned ideas that strike fear in the hearts of the general population: Hurricane Brutus! Hurricane Remington! That's the sort of shit that would make me go out and buy 900 bottles of water and 178 batteries.

Anyway.

Hope we don't all die today!