BLOCK-OFF! 4th Ave [btwn President & Union] vs. 5th Ave [btwn Degraw/Lincoln & Douglass/St John’s]

Last week, I steered the Block-Off! through its journey themeless & pantsless, but this week, I’ve put my pants back on (sorry, ladies) & I’m bringing back the use of a theme. As March 2nd is National Reading Day in the U.S. (in honor of Dr. Seuss’s birthday), you’re going to celebrate by reading some 2000+ of my ranting words…& you’ll like it & get inspired.

This week, I’m slinking down along 4th Ave, checking out the space between President St and Union St and then heading up the hill to do some comparing & contrasting with the area between Degraw St/Lincoln Pl and Douglass St/St. John’s Pl. As you inspire needy, Starbury-wearing children to read by poring over a diatribe by a man in his mid-thirties who has both read and seen Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas one too many times, the two block’s true identities will be revealed & everyone from Horton to the Grinch will beg Sweden to give me the Nobel Prize for Blogging. It’ll be just like “The Sneetches,” but with less star-bellied discrimination. Let the humpf-a-dumpf bumpf-a-dumpf judging begin!

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BLOCK-OFF! 7th Ave [btwn 15th & 14th] vs. 7th Ave [btwn 14th & 13th]

In last week’s Block-Off!, I brought together two of Park Slope’s more presidential blocks and proved that Boatman Jim was obviously much better than The Great Emancipator. This week, there’s no special holiday for me to create a clever theme around and the Oscars, despite all their attempts to be so, are not actually inspiring, so I’ve decided to go forgo a theme this week. I’ve also decided to forgo proper judgment & pants.

This week, I’m featuring two blocks on the Park Slope/Windsor Terrace border, 7th Ave between 15th St and 14th St and between 14th and 13th St. With no theme to focus on, it is my intention that the two blocks will wander as aimlessly as a Deadhead post-1995 and eventually, one will catch the other one unawares & smack that bitch up with a $4 tin-foil wrapped veggie burrito, leaving one block standing & one block totally bummed out and covered in tofu. Let the mistakenly now slightly-themed unthemed judging begin!

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BLOCK-OFF! 7th Ave [btwn Garfield & Carroll] vs. 7th Ave [btwn Berkeley & Lincoln]

After abandoning 7th Ave in last week’s Block-Off!, I’ve decided to, in honor of the less commercial of this week’s two holidays, bring two of Park Slope’s more presidential-named blocks to the virtual debate podium for this week’s non-Dan Rather moderated Block-Off!

That means that this week, I’ll be highlighting blocks with streets that share names with two of our assassinated, lasagna-loving presidents, as 7th Ave from Garfield to Carroll bumps heads with 7th Ave from Berkeley to Lincoln. Only after both blocks have begged & pleaded & flip-flopped for my vote like good little presidential blocks should, will a winner be crowned. Let the pomp-filled & un-circumstantial, bi-partisan judging begin!

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BLOCK-OFF! 5th Ave [btwn Union & Sackett/Berkeley] vs. 5th Ave [btwn 6th & 5th]

Since 5th Ave beat out 7th Ave in last week’s Block-Off! and since it’s been a slightly-warmer than usual Sunday & I want to drink instead of buy baby clothes, I’ve decided to ignore 7th Ave this week & wage an epic war between two of my favorite drinking blocks on 5th Ave in this week’s Block-Off!

That means that this week, 5th Ave from Union to Sackett/Berkeley is bellying up to the bar against 5th Ave from 6th St to 5th St. It’s my goal that by the end, one block will remain intoxicated but still standing & victorious and the other will have passed out face down on the bar in a pool of saliva & despair. My secondary goal is to make it home in time for the Grammys. Let the drunken judging begin!

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BLOCK-OFF! 5th Ave [btwn 9th & 8th] vs. 7th Ave [btwn 9th & 8th]

In last week’s Block-Off!, in which I pitted two 5th Ave blocks on Park Slope’s south border against one another, I referred to 5th Ave as 7th Ave’s “drunker, sluttier cousin.”

This week, I’ve decided to give those cousins a chance to kiss and then get in the ring for a little HOT MUD WRESTLING ACTION, putting 5th Ave from 9th to 8th up for judgment against 7th Ave between 9th and 8th. In the end, only when the mud has been sufficiently splashed around & the hair has been adequately pulled & the screaming & name-calling & displaced anger has been fully meted out will a winner be declared. Let the messy sexy judging begin!

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