BLOCK-OFF! 4th Ave [btwn President & Union] vs. 5th Ave [btwn Degraw/Lincoln & Douglass/St John’s]

Last week, I steered the Block-Off! through its journey themeless & pantsless, but this week, I’ve put my pants back on (sorry, ladies) & I’m bringing back the use of a theme. As March 2nd is National Reading Day in the U.S. (in honor of Dr. Seuss’s birthday), you’re going to celebrate by reading some 2000+ of my ranting words…& you’ll like it & get inspired.

This week, I’m slinking down along 4th Ave, checking out the space between President St and Union St and then heading up the hill to do some comparing & contrasting with the area between Degraw St/Lincoln Pl and Douglass St/St. John’s Pl. As you inspire needy, Starbury-wearing children to read by poring over a diatribe by a man in his mid-thirties who has both read and seen Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas one too many times, the two block’s true identities will be revealed & everyone from Horton to the Grinch will beg Sweden to give me the Nobel Prize for Blogging. It’ll be just like “The Sneetches,” but with less star-bellied discrimination. Let the humpf-a-dumpf bumpf-a-dumpf judging begin!

4th Avenue from President St to Union St:
This block starts on the left-hand side with an EMPTY LOT that’s currently home to a couple of lovely shipping container type things.

The first business on this side of the block is Yomari’s Restaurant, which features a menu heavy on Spanish & Latin American food. In short, you can get ox tail soup or tripe soup or pig’s feet stew, though not all on the same day of the week. In my life, I’ve enjoyed ox tail once or twice, but I’ll be damned if eat me some assorted stomachs or hooves.

Delilah Salon is next door to Yomari’s. Since I can only assume that this salon specializes in haircuts that sap your Biblical power, I’m going to avoid it.

Then there’s another sweet EMPTY LOT…no shipping containers though.

Since we’re adjacent to a subway stop that used to be the third southbound stop on the 4th Avenue BMT line, we have the aptly-named next business, BMT Stop Dry Cleaners. Legend has it that one of the dryers has a portal back to a simpler time, when it was still acceptable that we hadn’t yet figured out how to run an efficient subway system. Think Being John Malkovich mashed up with Life on Mars and the ORIGINAL The Taking of Pelham One Two Three.

After that is Ami’s Deli & Grocery, the perfect place for all your cup Ramen & instant coffee needs. Also, if you enjoy picking out your scratch tickets by pointing & grunting at examples stuck up behind bulletproof glass, you are going to love this place…until you realize that you’ve blown all your money on scratch tickets.

There’s a RESIDENTIAL/COMMERCIAL BUILDING that provides a nice buffer between the deli groceries. Right now it’s pretty much an empty shell, but when it’s done, it promises to be a five-family building with a storefront.

Then there’s Deli Grocery, the nicer of the two deli/grocery establishments on this side of the block. I LOVE the no-nonsense nature of their name. I can go in there and be confident that I’m not going to have to sift through aisles of auto parts or ladies’ hosiery when I’m trying to fulfill my deli and grocery needs.

The only pizza joint on the block, Tomato & Basil Pizza [pictured above], is the home of the Grandma pie, which has a flatbread-like crust and the simplicity of mozzarella, basil, tomato sauce & garlic. Their sign confuses me though…you’d think that a place called “Tomato & Basil Pizza” would maybe put a picture of that on the sign instead of a pepperoni pizza.

This side of the block ends with a diner that I think is named Station Café. The signage is vague & it wasn’t open when I went by on Sunday, but there were menus stuffed away near the door that have that name on them, so I’m going with that.

Most of the right-hand side of the block is taken up by Brooklyn Lyceum (the first building on the block) and a HUGE EMPTY LOT. I have fond memories of the Lyceum. I went there with an ex-girlfriend on one of our initial “dates” and had good times seeing & filming the ear-popping rock of Brooklyn’s own Goes Cube. Fond memories.

When I was walking past this Sunday, a shit-ton of happy breeders & their breedlings came pouring out onto the sidewalk, probably post-some event that involved playing. In summary, the Lyceum is good. A shit-ton of jolly breedlings can’t be wrong.

As for the huge empty lot next to it, the permits say it’s going to be a 12-story building with 40 units. I have an architect friend who, upon visiting Park Slope for the first time, commented that the thing that made the neighborhood feel so nice & non-claustrophobic was that the buildings were pretty much the same size and for the most part, no higher than the tallest trees. These days, 4th Ave is quickly becoming a tunnel, with high-rise apartment buildings like this one sprouting up along it on either side. Thanks, Bruce Ratner.

This weekend, I was drawn into the last business on this block, Deli & Grocery, by a window display that promised a bounty of exotic chips. It was pseudo-bountiful, but I left disappointed and took my chip-buying business elsewhere. Bodegas should take note…this is what happens to your selection when you blow all your money on a fancy ampersand.

Left-hand side:
EMPTY LOT, 236 4th Ave
Yomari’s Restaurant, 234 4th Ave, 718-246-4635
Delilah Salon, 234 4th Ave, 718-747-2690
EMPTY LOT, 232 4th Ave
BMT Stop Dry Cleaners, 230 4th Ave, 718-246-7252
Ami’s Deli & Grocery, 230 4th Ave
RESIDENTIAL/COMMERCIAL BUILDING, 228 4th Ave
Deli Grocery, 226 4th Ave
Tomato & Basil Pizza, 226 4th Ave, 718-596-8855
Station Café, 224 4th Ave, 718-522-2083

Right-hand side:
Brooklyn Lyceum, 227 4th Ave, 718-857-4816
HUGE EMPTY LOT, 225 4th Ave
Deli & Grocery, 215 4th Ave, 718-636-1835

Scoring
Bonuses – One Portal Back In Time, One Establishment For Both Ballers & Breeders
Shames – Three Empty Lots, One Restaurant Serving Stomachs & Hooves, Too Many Deli Groceries, One Misleading Sign

5th Avenue from Degraw St/Lincoln Pl to Douglass St/St John’s Pl:
Up the hill on 5th Ave and the left-hand corner of Degraw is Urban View Realty. Their properties definitely look nice, but I’m going to have to do a lot more nude modeling if I’m ever going to afford any of them.

Next to Urban View is the profoundly-named women’s clothing store, Love = ? They’ll be closing soon, so in honor of them, I’m going to finish the age-old question that their name asks…Love = Avocado Tomato Sandwiches Fed Intravenously.

As a born & bred New Englander, the next business, Brooklyn Fish Camp, should be right up my alley, right? Nope. At a risk of losing my N.E. cred, I’m not a big fan of cooked fish. While we’re at it, I’m going to lay all my N.E. cards on the table. I also hate both Matt Damon & Ben Affleck. Anyway, I like my fish raw, if you know what I mean. Creepy innuendo in yo face oh!

After a RESIDENTIAL BUILDING, there’s the Opal Center for Massage and Allied Therapies. Seriously, I need what the Opal’s offering right about now. Let’s just say that I did too many leg lifts & climbed too many stairs on Saturday before sitting in a cramped band practice room for two hours. It’s not a recipe for success is all I’m saying.

For those who want to let their hair down, Rapunzel Rapunzel is after the Opal Center. Those with Rapunzel Syndrome might consider going elsewhere, however.

For the Park Slope vegans, there’s The V-Spot. I’ve yet to try it out, but I have a raw food friend & a hippie Portland friend coming to visit in the coming months, so that’ll change soon. As such, I’ve already decided I’m having the chipolte seitan wrap. Mmm. Spicy Satan.

I suppose when me & my out-of-town friends get done veganing it up, we could go next door to Oko for dessert, since the place is apparently greener than Kermit the morning after a late-night kegger. It’s gonna suck years from now when the whole place biodegrades into nothing though.

The place next door, A.Cheng, has really nice women’s clothing. Reader…if you are a Park Slope hottie who wears the hot clothes from here & you purchased said clothes with your own money, I am single & looking.

If you also go to Bodytonic and have the accompanying Pilates-butt, please send me an email containing a pic ASAP. It doesn’t necessarily have to be a pic of your Pilates butt. Seriously. Drop what you’re doing & open Gmail. Don’t worry. I’ll still be here rambling (& inspiring children to read) when you return.

Los Pollitos II finishes up the block. I actually looked at the reviews of this place on Citysearch a little while back & there are so many one star reviews on there that I’m pretty sure I’ll never give the little chickens a chance.

The right-hand side of the block starts with a Chase Bank. I’ve been getting a little more informed on the whole banking crisis recently & it turns out that Chase is just as screwed up as everyone else, so ha ha on them. Maybe my account will get sold to Barclays! That’d be so exotic!

D’Mai Urban Spa is next to Chase. I need some of what the D’Mai’s serving up too. It’s been a busy last week, filled with things to accomplish & scattered attempts to be social & I could do with a lil’ “Soulful Journey” right about now.

Nana Restaurant is after D'Mai. They have a huge fish tank full of orange fish in the window. I haven’t tried one yet, but I can only assume that they taste lovely. I went here late one recent Saturday night with a friend after a bunch of drinks & enjoyed the sushi but didn’t enjoy the fact that by the time we left, I had somehow managed to make myself so depressed that I just went home. Details are to why are spotty at best.

Red Hook on the Road, the next business, is the first commercial driving school to appear in the Block-Off! A few years back, I drove a small box truck around the city for Canal Jean Co. I’m absolutely petrified of driving anything bigger than that, so I give mad props to the weaving city bus drivers & broccoli-hauling tractor-trailer drivers who this school likely provides certificates to. I can’t help but think that this place is in the wrong neighborhood though.

After that is Eladia’s Kids Child Care, a day care that has been in the neighborhood for over twenty years. They also have two locations on Flatbush Ave, which means they might have the virtual lockdown on Park Slope day care. BTW, if you love looking at pictures of other people’s adorable babies, they have a Flickr page.

The space next to it used to be Video Free Brooklyn2, but now it’s just an EMPTY STOREFRONT. Video stores take note…this is what happens when you blow all your money on a fancy squared symbol.

Benny’s Barber Shop is next to it. It’s whatever the opposite of “not too shabby” is.

The last open business on the block is Bogota Bistro, which has supposedly-yummy pan-Latin food. Don’t let the name fool you. It is not one of the most violent bistros in the world.

This side of the block ends with an EMPTY STOREFRONT that used to be Deli in the Slope. Looks like the Slope has no more delis.

Left-hand side:
Urban View Realty, 164 5th Ave, 718-398-2900
Love = ?, 162 5th Ave, 718-230-1027
Brooklyn Fish Camp, 162 5th Ave, 718-788-3264
RESIDENTIAL BUILDING, 160 5th Ave
Opal Center for Massage and Allied Therapies, 158 5th Ave, 718-857-6183
Rapunzel Rapunzel, 158 5th Ave, 718-857-2855
The V-Spot. 156 5th Ave, 718-622-2275
Oko, 152 5th Ave, 718-398-3671
A.Cheng, 152 5th Ave, 718-783-2826
Bodytonic, 150 5th Ave, 718-622-6222
Los Pollitos II, 148 5th Ave, 718-623-9152

Right-hand side:
Chase Bank, 159 5th Ave, 718-857-0391
D’Mai Urban Spa, 157 5th Ave, 718-398-2100
Nana Restaurant, 155 5th Ave, 718-230-3749
Red Hook on the Road, 151 5th Ave, 718-237-4846
Eladia’s Kid Child Care, 147-149 5th Ave, 718-622-3316
EMPTY STOREFRONT, 145 5th Ave
Benny’s Barber Shop, 143 5th Ave, 718-230-3281
Bogota Bistro, 141 5th Ave, 718-230-3805
EMPTY STOREFRONT, 139 5th Ave

Scoring
Bonuses – Two Food Establishments I Can Take People To, One Hot Women’s Clothing Store, One Good Neighborhood Day Care
Shames – Two Empty Storefronts, One Evil Business, One Citysearch Review-infected Business

BEST DAMN SLOPE BLOCK ON THE BLOCK WINNER:
5TH AVENUE FROM DEGRAW ST/LINCOLN PL TO DOUGLASS ST/ST JOHN’S PL

Read way more from Shawn at eatdrinksnack.blogspot.com.

Comments

[D-money]

The diner on the corner of 4th and Union is seriously underrated here. It's an honest-to-goodness diner, no pretensions, no bullshit. The waitresses remember to keep your coffee coming, and every weekend the same two couples who remind me of my grandparents sit at the same table and talk over each other. The food is typical diner - greasy, salty, and satisfying. It's a family run shop.

[Danny]

That dinner also makes a pretty badass 8 ounce cheese burger too. I like the steak fries too.