RUSSIAN DOLLS: The Brooklyn 'Jersey Shore'

OMGZ ppls, you have no fucking clue how excited I am for the premiere, on August 11th, of Lifetime's new Brooklyn-based take-off on MTV's Jersey Shore: Russian Dolls.

On a scale of 1-10, I'm at like a 678.

Basically this shit is supposed to document the inner-workings of the Russian-American community in Brighton Beach by following 8 dolls and dudes as they eat caviar, wear fur coats and get spray tanned.

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Frederick Law Olmsted Was A Super Cool Dude

Have you ever been strolling through Prospect Park, and you find yourself on the Lullwater Bridge overlooking the Boathouse? And you gaze out at the swans and then over at the waterfall (which MIGHT be a little nicer if there weren’t always a gaggle of teens licking each other in front of it, but I digress). Then suddenly your eyes glaze over and you imagine yourself standing on the bridge draped in a strapless Vera Wang wedding gown, and you’re exchanging vows with the HOT, questionably autistic FBI agent from A&E’s Criminal Minds?

I’ve never done this.

HOWEVS --- There is a man responsible for that American-Beauty-Paper-Baggy feeling that you get when walking through some of New York City’s finest parks. And someone made a documentary about him!

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PREGNANT IN HEELS RECAP: I WANT TO COMMIT SUICIDE RIGHT NOW

Ok, you guys, I gotta confess: I was so excited when I heard about this horrible, horrible new Bravo show Pregnant In Heels, because I thought: FINALLY! A show I can recap for FIPS! It's about a pregnancy concierge named Rosie Pope! WTF is a pregnancy concierge! Who cares, this show will rule!

But after watching the premiere epi last night, I've been splitting my time between:

• thinking of ways to kill myself
• thinking of ways of destorying every viable egg I may have lurking inside of my body now and forever.

There is no way I can recap this show every week, because you might kill me before I kill myself.

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Casting Call for Schmoozy, Put-Upon Supers, Moochers, World's Biggest Drama Queen and Fun Female Dog Owners

In the hood where everyday is a reality show day, just when we thought those clever reality TV producers had thought of everything... Thanks to our homies at Brick Underground for showing me differently with their seminal post "Reality Show Wants Your Loudmouth Super."

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What New York Needs...Another Reality Show — New York Ink

Step aside, Kat Von D, there's a new show in town. First Miami Ink, then LA Ink, and now finally at long last — New York Ink!

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