Your FiPS Guide To Voting Tomorrow

Voting in elections is an important way for citizens of this great country to voice their opinions.  Nevermind that opinions are like assholes--everybody has one, and most of them stink.  This is your one chance to exercise one of your most cherished rights as a citizen!  People died so that you could vote!  Well, no one that you know, most likely, but rest assured that it happened.  Probably.  I mean, they might not have been thinking about you going to the polls at the precise moment they stepped on a land mine, but it was almost certainly in the back of their mind, somewhere.  God bless America, and God bless our troops!  

Anyway, since it's so goddamned fucking important, we, here at FiPS have decided to tell you how to go about this whole voting thing.

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Barack Obama Used to Live in The Slope (and why I think He Should Return)

Image via the NYT

According to this NY Times article, our very own president is practically an ex-Slope resident. Back in the 1980's and shortly after graduating from Columbia University, Barry Obama shacked up with then-girlfriend Genevieve Cook in the top floor of a brownstone on Second Street near 8th Avenue (and yes, there's a President Street joke in their somewhere, which we aren't discussing further).

In the article, NYT writers James Barron and Peter Baker cite David Maraniss's upcoming book, Barack Obama: The Story, which reveals some...ahem...intimate thoughts and memories of Cook and Obama, which were pulled from her journal (PS, she sounds like a total weirdo). I will also note that while reading some of the juicier excerpts, I sort of felt like I just heard my parents making passionate, weird love in the next room. 

So instead of having to deal with that whole mental mess, I've found some reasons why Barack and his fam could easily move back to the Slope if they get bored with that whole White House rigmarole. All of these are based on "100 Barack Obama Facts"(the list is pretty extensive, and I have no idea what kind of crack journalism was done to dig this shit up... but let's go with it). OK, here it is --- 

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