Barack Obama Used to Live in The Slope (and why I think He Should Return)

Image via the NYT

According to this NY Times article, our very own president is practically an ex-Slope resident. Back in the 1980's and shortly after graduating from Columbia University, Barry Obama shacked up with then-girlfriend Genevieve Cook in the top floor of a brownstone on Second Street near 8th Avenue (and yes, there's a President Street joke in their somewhere, which we aren't discussing further).

In the article, NYT writers James Barron and Peter Baker cite David Maraniss's upcoming book, Barack Obama: The Story, which reveals some...ahem...intimate thoughts and memories of Cook and Obama, which were pulled from her journal (PS, she sounds like a total weirdo). I will also note that while reading some of the juicier excerpts, I sort of felt like I just heard my parents making passionate, weird love in the next room. 

So instead of having to deal with that whole mental mess, I've found some reasons why Barack and his fam could easily move back to the Slope if they get bored with that whole White House rigmarole. All of these are based on "100 Barack Obama Facts"(the list is pretty extensive, and I have no idea what kind of crack journalism was done to dig this shit up... but let's go with it). OK, here it is --- 

5 Reasons Barack Obama Should Move Back To Park Slope:

1. He watches HBO’s Entourage: I can see it now: Adrian Grenier and Barry, side-by-side at the COOP (which Obama would totally get Grenier back into, BTW), bonding over old episodes while munching on practically free, raw cashews grown by VERY fairly paid farmers. Here's betting that he looks good in a neon vest.

2. He has Jay Z and Ludacris on his iPod, and He likes Beyonce’s “Single Ladies": Barclays is being built ON TOP of Park Slope (and other hoods), so you know what that means? We are going to be seeing a lot more Jay-Z, Beyonce, and Blue Ivy (is she still a "thing"?)...I bet Barack could even make it on B's infamous Tumblr.

3. His first date with wife Michelle Obama was a movie -- Do The Right Thing: Awww, memories! The Obamas can pretty much live out their first date with a short train ride to Bed-Stuy from here. And you know he's totally friends with Spike Lee...maybe the family could even be extras in the prequel, Red Hook Summer?

4. His favorite meal is wife Michelle’s shrimp linguini, and his favorite dish to cook is chili: Good news, Michelle and Barack! If you get tired of cooking your favorite dishes, we've got some good alternatives. Instead of having to cook a whole pot of chili, the family can just head over to Bonnie's for some veggie chili (but we totally know they should order the wings). To satisfy Barack's shrimp-tooth, he can give Michelle the night off from cooking and head over to Scottodito for a heaping helping of their Fettuccine Zafferano & Frutti di Mare. I'll babysit Sasha and Malia and will educate them on the wonder of Jem and the Holograms.

5. He doesn’t like young people wearing baggy pants: This is perfect, because it's hard to find a single pair of baggy pants in Park Slope. Also, we aren't exactly know for our "street swag," so welcome to the land of cardigans, bjorns, and sensible vegan footwear POTUS!