Fuck 'Breeder Central!' Park Slope is Rebranding as Sin City

Jeez! We take the weekend off and we miss breaking the biggest scandal to hit Park Slope this week. Maybe even this year!

On Friday, as FIPS was moments away from bidding adieu to our life-sized FUCKED banner, news broke that the leafy, stroller and Prius-cluttered streets of our upwardly mobile (the Post called us “posh”) neighborhood were at the epicenter of a humongous drug bust! And we’re not talking any old Mary Jane, there goes your weed delivery guy kind of bust…we mean serious drogas. Like $1.5 milly plus in heroin and coke serious.

Shhheeeeeittttt! I didn’t know we had it in us.

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YO, FIPS LOOKS DIFFERENT!

Not that anyone gives a shit anymore now that Osama was found dead, but just in case...

Are you looking at this site right now and thinking: "WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS BULLSHIT???" Are our pictures so big now, they make your head feel like it's gonna explode?? Do you miss that gigantic "FUCK" that we used to have emblazoned on the top of our page? Or the Adrien Grenier photo you used to like to jerk off to?

Well, don't worry! All of those feelings are t-o-t-a-l-l-y normal. They just mean that you're likely in the throes of of your FIPS 2.0 readjustment period (F2RP).

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RIP My Little Ray of Hope Reichbach

Sometimes, I hate this fucking Internet: especially when it brings me such sad news.

My favorite local politico, 22-year-old Hope Reichbach, was found dead yesterday in her Brooklyn apartment. The Brooklyn Paper is reporting it was likely an overdose of prescription drugs.

Man, I'm sad. This really sucks. 

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PROSPECT HEIGHTS BEBE BIRTHED IN ARECIBO CAB!

Holy.

Crap.

Guys.

On tonight’s episode of Seinfeld Real Life, a Prospect Heights woman calls Arecibo to haul her pregnant ass to the hospital because -- ACK!-CATHY-SWEAT-BEADS! --She’s in labor!! Only there’s traffic on the Manhattan Bridge or whatevs, and the kid wants out yesterday so he can get a head start on some Dave Eggers, so she gives birth amidst the coconut air fresheners and crackly dispatches from the Micro Machines Guy

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Woman Attacked on 16th Street

In today's edition of news that's not even remotely funny, we have some mind-bending video of a woman who was attacked on March 20th as she was walking down 16th Street.

The video was captured by a security camera on the street, and it's pretty fucking harrowing to watch.

Thankfully the woman got away when some neighbors heard the commotion and came out to see what was going on, but the disgusting asshole who attacked her is still at large.

(via Gothamist)