PROSPECT HEIGHTS BEBE BIRTHED IN ARECIBO CAB!

Holy.

Crap.

Guys.

On tonight’s episode of Seinfeld Real Life, a Prospect Heights woman calls Arecibo to haul her pregnant ass to the hospital because -- ACK!-CATHY-SWEAT-BEADS! --She’s in labor!! Only there’s traffic on the Manhattan Bridge or whatevs, and the kid wants out yesterday so he can get a head start on some Dave Eggers, so she gives birth amidst the coconut air fresheners and crackly dispatches from the Micro Machines Guy (“BergenAndFlatbushBerkeleyAndSeventhFiveMinutesDoIHearThreeThousandThreeFiftyMoMoneyMoProblemsSold!”).

Read the full sitcom episode here.

Many a hat off to the driver, Juan Hernandez, for the following:

1. Dude didn’t charge a fare for the ride.

2. He followed the lady’s ambulance to the hospital to return her shoes and whatever other shit she kicked off while turning his cab into a birthing center.

3. Was quoted as saying, “The clean-up took a while, but that was no big deal.”

AFTERBIRTH INSIDE YOUR CAR = NO BIG FUCKING DEAL?! I would have burned that sedan to the ground and collected on some sort of Yeah-There’s-Placenta-In-My-Backseat-And-It’s-Fucking-Gross-Insurance.

Can we get this man a key to the city already? Geez.