'Shove The Fucking iPad Up Your Arse You Mother Fucker Fucking Fuck'

Be still my heart. I'm nominating this one as Brooklyn's newest anthem.

With such heartfelt lyrics as:

"I remember a time when I could walk out my front door and not hate the sight of every other person under 29. I remember a time when I was simply poor and deemed as afflicted, not assumed working in graphic design. OMG Hipster chic epic fail our future's bleak. I love the way you gentrify and marginalize your creativity. I remember a time back before I turned 5 when I was not such an embittered cunt."

I foresee this being the smash new hit on NOW That's What I Call Music 72!

CELEBRATE BROOKLYN: OUR PICKS FOR THE SEASON

Celebrate Brooklyn's line-up was announced, but since their site is almost completely unnavigable, we'll just give you the highlights of the best of what's next.  We're sweet like that.

Opening night is Friday, June 10. 

Like The Temptations told you, get ready. 

Click to read more ...

NOW DO THIS: NATALIA ZUKERMAN/GARRISON STARR AT UNION HALL

Yo, you in the mood for some vagina rock Park Slope? 

Hellllllllllllll yeah. 

Natalia Zukerman and Garrison Starr are playing at Union Hall this Saturday at 8PM. 

You should probably go. 

...and I'm not just saying that because I'm "friends with the drummer" (isn't everybody?). 

UPDATE: I'm an idiot.  The show is at Union Hall, not The Bell House.

Astronomical Kid Successfully Working The MILF Angle

How there has not yet been a post on Park Slope Parents about this, I don't know. 

A few weeks ago, The Village Voice shockingly nominated our asses as one of the best local blogs (only to completely skip over the category during their award ceremony and not even announce a winner...but I digress).

However, the evening was, by no means, considered a loss because I was introduced to this fly assed 14-year-old Brooklyn rap prodigy: Astronomical Kid. And Astronomical kid is so amazingly wonderful in so many ways, I can't even enumerate them here on the blog because there isn't enough room (and yes, I'm totally 100% fucking serious, ppl).

Needless to say, his hit song "Stop Looking at My Mom" is one of the best things I've ever heard in my life.

"Just cuz I'm a shorty, don't think I won't do you no harm."

If I can afford him, this dude will TOTALLY be performing at our next FIPS event. Please go download his shit on itunes immeds.

When Adrian Grenier Is Not Working At The Food Coop, He's Jogging In Prospect Park

At least according to this interview from the L Magazine with him and his band the Honey Brothers:

Do you have a favorite park in Brooklyn?

I have a new appreciation for Prospect Park. Growing up in Manhattan I didn't get out to this side of Brooklyn much, but since I moved here it's been an awesome park. In fact, every time I go running in that park, I'll be listening to music on my iPhone, and every once in a while I have to just pull over and take a picture of something that looks totally incongruous with what you normally find in the city [ed note: LIKE A GOOSE DEATH CHAMBER, FOR INSTANCE?? OR A SEVERED GOAT HEAD??]. I took this picture of a horse tied to a tree with these blooming cherry blossoms, and it felt like I was in a fantasy, but in fact it was Brooklyn, and it was kind of remarkable.

Remarkable indeed.

If you're so inclined, you can go check out the Honey Brothers at their benefit show for the Open Space Alliance at the Music Hall of Williamsburg this Sat.

And sidenote: first person to send me an cell phone pic of Adrain Grenier running in the park in short shorts wins a lifetime supply of my undying love-n-respect.