Platinum Babies [My Tivo *Just* Threw Up]

Thank fucking gawd I saw this post on McBrooklyn last week...otherwise it could have taken me months of googling and channel surfing before I came across this majestic new TV series from WE: Platinum Babies.

If you've ever seen their barftastical series Platinum Weddings, you can pretty much guess what we're dealing with here, but just in case, let me spell it out for you anyway:

"Tatyanna, a hip and eco-conscious writer, is not afraid to spend on her second child. Her family belongs to a trendy private lifestyle club in Soho, her friend invites her to a trunk show to preview exclusive maternity wear and the baby's christening happens on a Mediterranean island where the family is flown."

Oh, and you also should know that Tatyanna and her husband live in Brooklyn.

Right.

So much like the obnoxious whiny fucktards on the Wedding show who don't think twice about spending thousands of dollars on ugly chair covers that their stupid guests will be farting on all night, Tatyanna represents the "Platinum Parent"--i.e. she's unafraid to plop down the benjis for anything and everything that will make her or her bebe look better. And just in case you're wondering how, exactly, a "green philosophy" allows for all the jet fuel that was used to take Tatyanna and her friends and family off to a tropical island for the weekend for her baby's christening, believe me you are not alone.

Ok, so lets just get to it. Here are my main beefs with this show:

1. It made me vomit.

2. There's no camp to the dialogue or editing--no undercover winks from the producers that let us know they realize this is all retarded (please see every Bravo show out there, espesh the Real Housewives series, for reference). PB is presented as this aspirational, reverant look at the "exclusive" and "luxurious" lives of the most spoiled, blinged out babies and their materialistic parents. Needless to say, that sorta crap CERTAINLY doesn't appeal to a BALLER like me, but do parents even dig it?? I really fucking hope not.

2. Isn't this sort of shit a tad disconnected from what's going on in the world? (recession, unemployment, blah, blah, blah). I mean, times are even tough on Million Dollar Listing, and that show has the word "millionaire" IN ITS TITLE. Get a clue, WE network.

3. All this shit, yet again, reinforces those core cult principles of kiddie worship.

4. Newsflash: your bebe is not an accessory.

Anyway.

So, thanks to the WE Network, I've learned: if you're a BREEDER and you are not able to (or choose not to) buy your bebe organic 800 thread count crib bedding, or cashmere onesies, you're obviously a failure.

Oopsie!

[note to self: don't forget to buy Oliver that cashmere lined winter coat with the real fox collar and the 18kt gold buttons].

See you at the Soho House, Tatyanna!