Park Slope Teens Getting Fat?

As a formerly pudgy little teen bastard who was often vexed by whether nine McNuggets and a large order of fries would be enough to satisfy a bulging tummy, I can't say I'm all that surprised by this recent study about teen eating habits. 

Apparently the study shows that little bastards between the ages of 13-17 haven't exactly been dissuaded from stuffing their fat faces since New York made including calorie counts on fast food menus mandatory in 2008. The survey appeared in the Journal of International Obesity (isn't obesity just an American thing?), and yep: fewer than 10% of the Justin Bieber fans surveyed give a rat's ass that eating two Burger King chicken sandwiches afterschool will probably make hearts explode in twenty-or-so years.

The study tracked the habits of 108 kids from low-income neighborhoods in NYC and Newark where parents presumably don't make their children organic lunches with ingredients from Fresh Direct or the Food Coop. Those children are regularly hitting up Mickey D's, KFC, BK, and Wendy's for some cheap fried deliciousness, and while 57% of them were like "damn, how many calories in a bucket of original recipe?," only 9% said "damn, maybe I'll just hit up the garden salad."  72% of the interviewees said taste was the main factor in their orders, outweighing price and calorie count. What they're really saying is that the Garden Salad tastes like Italian dressing over crumpled bits of paper.

The Daily News' own crack reporting squad caught up with two Junior Slopers on the matter, one stuck with the "Me Want Food" motto while the other made his parents look good.

"I never read [the menu boards]. I just want my food," said Hanke Humes, 14, of Park Slope, Brooklyn.

Jose Luyanua 13, of Park Slope, said he hadn't even noticed the boards but tries to make healthy choices because "my dad tells me to stop eating so much candy."

I guess the moral of the survey is: fast food is cheap, addictive and delicious, and no menu with an ambiguous death warning in the form of a calorie count will deter your children from their future as a heart attack victim...or a sumo wrestler.

ATTN: BREEDERS and BR-ALLERS! Your only hope at preventing the inevitable fatness of your on children is to somehow brainwash your kids into thinking that carrot sticks are the best snack in the world OR that exercise is fun (does the Coop offer a seminar on this?). Good luck with that...otherwise there's a double cheeseburger meal with your kid's name on it at the McDonald's near Harry Boland's. You can split an order of fries with Hanke Humes.

(via NY Daily News)