FRESHDIRECT DOESN'T CARE ABOUT BLACK PEOPLE?

[ed note: Straight off the heels of his unsuccessful attempt to get FIPS turned into a parked porn domain, may I present the triumphant and LONG ASS awaited return of our O.G. partner-in-crime, Benjamin Leo!].

FreshDirect.com has recently developed a handy “Black Neighborhood Detection Tool” which lives on the front page of their site. Unfortunately, it also doubles as their “Service Locator,” which serves to determine areas eligible for delivery.

Simply type your zip code into the submission form, and if it locks you out of the site, congratulations: You live in a black neighborhood.

Just check out these statistics:

As you can see, FreshDirect DOES deliver to the very multiculty Jackson Heights — but NOT to its darker sister Corona just blocks away.

What really makes the case for race: They WILL deliver to most parts of the more mixed-race neighborhoods that are even FARTHER than Corona! WTF?!

Here are a couple more:

1a. They WILL deliver to Riverdale, which is 16.2 miles from their Warehouse, but looks like this.

1b. … but they WONT deliver to Manhattan’s Wagner Houses Project at 413 East 120th street. It’s only 6.2 miles from their warehouse, but it looks like this.

Only 6.2 miles from the warehouse! Is this real life? Will they travel almost THREE times as far across multiple bridges if it means they can deliver to rich white people?

As the chief black Israelite on 42nd street likes to shout, “READ!”

2a. They WON’T deliver to the aptly named Brownsville, which is 8.8 miles away from the Warehouse…

2b. …but they WILL deliver all the way to Russian Jewish BRIGHTON BEACH which is 20.2 fucking miles away!

Not fucking with you. Go plug in the zip codes yourself. Don’t they seem racist? This is fucking JOURNALISM.

To that end, here are some potential reasons that FreshDirect doesn’t want to deliver to black neighborhoods:

1. They don’t want to get shit stolen. (RACIST!)

2. They don’t want to get their trucks carjacked. (RACIST!)

3. They don’t think that black neighborhoods have net access or want to buy organic food. (RACIST?)

For a company that spends $600,000 a year on parking tickets, you’d think they’dwant to deliver to black neighborhoods — everyone knows you couldn’t find a cop there if your life depended on it, let alone a meter maid.

(Unless someone rapes a white woman — but then there’s still no meter maid.)

If there’s enough interest in this topic, I will commence interviewing jet-black FreshDirect delivery men to see how they feel about this controversy. I will also write to FreshDirect executive management to see what their spin is.

Let me know if you’re down — but if you act like know-it-all Park Slope douches, you can fucking interview them yourselves.

-BENJAMIN LEO