Brooklyn: Now Serving PLACENTA

Image via FlashinthePan.net

Sometimes I’m embarrassed to say I live in this fucking borough due to its sheer ridiculousness. This is one of those moments. 

Pregnant women and recent mommies: Don’t worry one more second about what you're going to do with that post-birth placenta, because our very own city of Brooklyn has a professional placenta preparer! Jennifer Mayer specializes in teaching the art of preparing freshly-excreted placenta for you (and potentially, your significant other) to enjoy as a post-labor snack; a snack made of 100% YOURSELF.

On her website, Mayer offers a myriad of services for a placenta menu, including Traditional Chinese Medicine and Raw Dehydration methods. She claims that consumption of her “Placenta Capsules” offer benefits of: lessening post-partum depression, supporting breast milk production, and balancing your hormones.

And as an added bonus, you can have the umbilical cord shaped and dried into a heart shape, you know, for those special occasions where that would be normal thing to have around or give as a gift to someone.

…

(hangs head)

SIGH.