BREEDER vs. BALLER: Who's More Annoying: Kids or Dogs?
Effed in Park Slope | Thursday, January 8, 2009 at 12:09AM 
This week's guest BALLER post will be written by: BALLER BITCH. Cause the *real* BALLER has a cat (and BALLER BITCH has a dog), and everyone knows that dogs are way better than cats.
BALLER BITCH:
I mean, are we seriously even having this debate?
Yesss???
Ok fine: dogs are way, way, way, way, way less annoying than kids are. Here are the 5 reasons why:
5. You can curse, smoke weed, fuck and surf porn in front of them and they don't give a shit.
4. You can leave them home alone (unsupervised) for up to 8 hours at a stretch.
3. They shit and piss out on the street.
2. They never do shit like this.
1. And even though they do cost a lot, they don't cost THIS much.
*Bonus = PUPPY CAM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
BREEDER:
I never thought I'd say this, but can I have the regular BALLER back please? I'm embarrassed to be a part of this conversation. Your hipster tone is so repellent and distracting that it's hard for me to understand what, if anything, you've said.
Listen, you win: Your dog is FAR less intrusive to your lifestyle than my kid is to mine. No argument there - but who gives a shit if your dog annoys YOU? I'm more concerned with how YOUR dog annoys ME. You "Ballers" bitch about how my kid annoys you in the tealounge, annoys you with his runny nose, annoys you breast feeding in public, but let me ask you this:
Have you ever sat on a stoop in July, a box of toothpicks in hand, cleaning my child's putrid SHIT out of the ridges of your shoe?
Check and mate.
Breeder vs. Baller, kids, pets 
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Reader Comments (10)
check and mate indeed!!!
C'mon.. what'd Chickenunderwear write...??? The comments are part of the snarky snark of this blog!!
ok,
I was just thinking that it would be ok if my kids shit all over the sidewalk, and I cleaned up 95% of it.
Dogs are way better than kids because they encourage community interaction. When's the last time you saw a random person on the street walk up and pet someone else's baby without the parent freaking the hell out?
Dogs are the glue of suburban society. Babies are just a useless burden. Down with them all.
I guess Mr lus has ugly kids
I am child free by choice and loving every screaming-snot-nosed-babyless minute of it.
Word, Mr. Lus! Ballers in da house!
I fucking hate dogs and babies almost as much as I hate the people who own them, and believe neither should ever be allowed in any park slope eating establishment.
jshep, I'm with you but then what would we have to bitch about..?
Obvs BABIES. No argument. I didn't even need to read the post. DOGZ RULE BABIES DROOL.