Slope Mother Demands That 2.5 million People Attend Her Fundraiser

Photo credit: Gilles Mingasson (via Eater.com)Alice Waters, the chef and author who was at the forefront of the organic, locally-grown food movement, will be making an appearance at a Q&A event that's a fundraiser for P.S. 107.  The event is November 21, at M.S. 88 on 7th Ave., starting at 5:15, and if you have a job that won't let you get there on time, that is just too bad for you, because the entire damned borough is expected to attend.

 "All of Brooklyn should be there, as far as I'm concerned," said Melissa Vaughan, one of the event organizers. That's a direct quote.

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Buy A Friend For Only $30 An Hour

Image via amiwithani.tumblr.comGawker stumbled across this gem on the Ami with an i Tumblr, and notes that someone in Prospect Heights has made up a new job called "Book Therapist."  For the low, low price of $30 an hour, Lucy Sun will go out with you for coffee or tea, and help you find a good book to read. Then, she'll read the book you're reading, so that you can talk about it, and how it relates to your life, and then she'll give you well-meaning advice about your job, your love life, and your friends and family. And it'll only cost you $30 an hour.

Call me crazy, but that sounds to me like things that you do with friends. I go have hot beverages with my friends. I tell my friends about the cool books I've read recently. And whenever my friend, uh, "Penny" -- for purposes of this post, we're just going to call her Penny, okay? I mean, everyone else does. At least, to her face. Wait, where was I?  Oh, yeah -- when "Penny" starts complaining about her job and how her sister is such a bitch to her and how can it be that Honey Boo Boo's mother is getting married and she can't even find someone to date -- well, I often tell her what I think she should do. Because I am a friend to "Penny." Even though she's fucking annoying, sometimes.

Oh, you know what?  Lucy Sun says in her flyer, "I'll read it with you, so you'll have a friend in the process." So, she's actually being transparent about this. Good, Lucy. Because I don't like being friends with people who are less than honest -- especially friends to whom I'm paying good money. Also I can't stand people who chew gum with their mouths open.

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EXCLUSIVE! Jackie's Fifth might not close after all?

We've reported, or, rather, lamented, the closing of Jackie's Fifth Amendment on this site, before. Jackie's--the quintessential dive bar, and one of the few remaining in Park Slope--announced recently, that they were going to shutter on September 14. In case you don't have your calendar in front of you, I'm here to tell you that September 14 is Saturday.

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Hey, everybody! Let's all raise money to help feral cats and stray dogs!

Okay, so there's this little black cat that's taken up residence in the bushes right in front of my house, and it is driving my dogs bat-shit fucking crazy.  Seriously.  Our dogs will be sitting near the window, enjoying the view and minding their own business, when suddenly this little black head pops out of the bushes like a periscope, and immediately, they all start screaming, barking and howling like they've been set on fire or something.

So, I found out about this organization called Brooklyn Animal Action.  They're a really terrific group that aims to help homeless animals, by either adopting them to good homes, or (in the case of feral felines), by operating a trap-neuter-return ("TNR") program.

I've already got my trap, actually.  You can buy them on Amazon.  But once I trap my first hissing ball of fur, what am I gonna do about it? Huh? What? WHAT!?!

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You're a Shitty Cook. You Need Money. We Can Help.

I don't know if anybody is paying attention to this, but a couple of years ago, Food Network decided that they didn't have to be the "Good and Tasty Food Network," and they'd be content to be the "shows that show you recipes and crazy shit that you'd never want to eat network" so they decided to do things like hire Guy Fieri and green-light shows like The Worst Cook in America.

Lookit.  I bought into this whole "lowest common food denominator programming" when it first arrived on the scene.  Eater (my favorite blog aside from FiPS) ran a contest to promote the Series Premiere of Worst Chefs, and I entered that contest.  And I fucking won that contest.  Because if you're looking for the Worst Chef in America, and you're not limiting it to people who are willing to debase themselves by going on a reality TV show, the Worst Chef probably lives in Ohio and he or she (probably she, if we're including my relatives, and by all means, we should be counting my relatives) is related to me.  See, what I did, there?  It's axiomatic up in here, bitchez!

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