Daily News Mocks Dogs With Issues -- and Park Slope

There was a really interesting-sounding seminar last night at the Brooklyn Ethical Culture Society about Canine Fear and Anxiety. There's also a really stupid article in the New York Daily News about the panel discussion.

Here's a news flash: Dogs that are stressed out tend to have behavior problems. That's a no-brainer. But dealing with a dog that's stressed out, doing remedial training, and figuring out how to get your animal to calm the fuck down and relax? You're gonna need professional help. So if your dog freaks out whenever there's a storm, or spins in circles whenever another dog approaches, or barks its head off when people leave the room, this panel of three expert dog trainers who specialize in working with anxious pets was probably a pretty good investment of your time, especially considering that it was  completely free.

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A "Ring Liaison" is totally a thing that exists, you guys

Image via Glamour.comAccording to DNAinfo, Park Slope resident Molly Clarke is (1) a certified gemologist; (2) a romantic at heart; and (3) a "ring liaison."  What in Sam Hill is a "ring liaison," you ask?  A "ring liaison" is a job that Molly Clarke just totally made up, where people pay her to find the perfect wedding ring for them. It's a $500 flat fee, and for that low, low price, she figures out what kind of ring you should get for your putative spouse, and then you can get married, secure in the knowledge that because you've got the perfect ring, you and your husband or wife will never, ever fight, ever. Never, ever. You will both be happy until the sun goes supernova and turns us all into diamonds instantaneously, and even then, you'll still be happy, because you will have become one with your flawless ring in some kinda weird cosmic synergy. All because of Molly Clarke!

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Horrible People Being Horrible to Each Other in Park Slope Co-op Building

Image via NYDailyNews.comThe New York Daily News is reporting that two horrible people, Jonas and Sarie Abney, who live in a horrible co-op building in Park Slope are being sued by one of their horrible neighbors, a horrible woman named Jane Montemarano who has lived in a rent-controlled apartment in the horrible building, with her horrible mother, Rose, her (most likely also horrible) children and one (oh, what the hell, let's just go full-tilt-boogie with this) horrible grandchild.  Oh.  Um.  Allegedly.  For pretty much everything in this post.  Because it's in the New York Daily News, and as we all know "New York Daily News" is a fancy way of saying "Not Really News at All."  Allegedly, for that, too.

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I Scream, You Scream, We All Scream For Jocelyn

Ample Hills Creamery is an ice cream joint in Prospect Heights, and if you ask me (and you didn't but I'm a contributor to this blog, so I get to make this shit up), they only came up with the name "Ample Hills" so that they could sell tee shirts to women with the words "AMPLE HILLS CREAMERY" emblazened across the boob area. Because I have the sense of humor of an 11-year-old, that's why.

Speaking of 11-year-old tastes, you may have heard of this thing called "Nutella."  It's a chocolate hazelnut spread that used to be pretty much unavailable in the United States.  But privileged white mid-westerners went to Europe on an exchange program, and entitled American Jews spent a month on a kibbutz in Israel, and then holy shitballs, can you please shut the fuck up about Nutella and how your host family let you eat it on toast every morning? Because, guess what?  The 80's ended more than a few decades ago, and while you were yammering on about your time abroad, they started selling Nutella at Costco in bulk.

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Save the Boobies!: Mermaid Parade Kickstarter Campaign is Halfway There!

You could give money to the Susan G. Komen Foundation for Breast Cancer Research and  Anti-Abortion Shilling.  Or you could give money to support art. Or you could give money to any number of other charitable organizations, depending on whether you care about art, womens' health, Republican asshattery, or any number of other causes. 

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