Is the Barclays Center Guilty of Racial Profiling?

Photo via the New York Times

Recently, The Barclays Center was called out for its allegedly racist security procedures.  The arena was outfitted with metal detectors for the string of recent Jay-Z concerts and the Harlem Globetrotters, but did not have metal detectors for the more recent Barbra Streisand concert. Streisand fans were merely "wanded" which, really, was fine for most Streisand fans.  I love Babs and have been "wanded" many times, though normally I'm treated with dinner first.  Make the black people go through metal detectors, but wave a wand past the gays and old ladies?  That's how it's gonna be?  Really, Barclays Center?

After the media started reporting on The Barclays Center's questionable actions, representatives of the giant arena announced that they are abandoning metal detectors entirely and will only use the aforementioned wands; a change that they're attributing to "testing" various security methods in the wake of the departure of their security chief. Lookit.  I'm all in favor of effective security.  But if Barclays is going to accomplish this by profiling attendees, I have suggestions for a few of the events coming up in the next couple of weeks.

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OK: Who the Fuck is Stealing Our Trash And Throwing It Into the Back of a Van?

So.... someone is stealing our trash and throwing into the back of a van.

Recently, local blog Here's Park Slope received a tip from a South PS resident, who claims to have witnessed the following:

"I live on 6th ave, between 15th & 16th.  Almost every week I see these two vans, one 15 passenger van, and one cargo van pull up on to my street. Out pour like a dozen people with shopping carts, and they return with dozens and dozens of black garbage bags which they load into the vans.  I don't know if they are then going through it looking for personal info to steal identities or if they are stealing the recycling."

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Park Slope Company Creates Software to Herd People Out of the Barclays Center Like Sheep

A Park Slope mobile app company called Roadify has created an app to help shepherd Nets fans, Jay-Z concert-goers (Update: and Babs, Gaga and the Smashing Pumpkins fans, too -- calm down, haters; I mention Jay-Z because he's playing this weekend) and other barnyard animals out of the Barclays Center and onto their trains to Manhattan, Oyster Bay, and Ronkonkoma (among other places).  Roadify joins other agriculture mobile app developers, such as The University of Nebraska, with their Aphid Speed Scout app, iCropTrak, which tra(c)ks your crops so they don't move around, and the Grain Shrinkage Calculator, which is an app that is designed to keep your wheat and corn from being embarrassed when it goes to the swimming pool on a cold day.

Baa. 

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Your FiPS Guide to Spotting Patrick Stewart in the Slope

Photo via www.spitalfieldslife.com

According to the New York Post, which is a newspaper-like publication owned by a wealthy Australian wire-tapper, Patrick Stewart has already been spotted in our neighborhood at such fine establishments as Zito's and Brooklyn Fish Camp.  If you're jazzed by the fact that a new celebrity has moved into our neighborhood, or you're an obsessive fan of a Star Trek franchise that's been off the air for many, many years, you're most likely wondering what you can do to score your own Patrick Stewart sighting.  You're also pathetic.  But so are we.  So here's where you should go:

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everything you need to know about the Daily News' readers in one slope-centric column.

The New York Daily News recently ran a story about how the denizens of Park Slope Parents are all up in arms about the fact that nannies are liars.  Which is a fact.  Basically, anyone who tells you that they're going to enjoy caring for your children is fucking lying.  Your children are barely tolerable.  Someone who professes to derive pleasure from caring for them?  That's someone with a moral compass that points...uh...what were you doing with that compass, again?

Right.

So now, Park Slope Parents has posted a Statement Regarding Hiring Nannies, in response to the hullaballoo/donnybrook/clusterfuck that has ensued.  That post, which is closed to comments, contains helpful tips for parents looking for a nanny, such as "Check multiple references," and "meeting them in person if possible."

Oh, that's good.  I'd never have thought to check the references of SOMEONE WHO'S GOING TO CARE FOR MY BABY.

Of course, I don't have a baby, so it's easy for me to sit here and judge what you breeders are doing.  Hire a nanny without checking references.  Give your toddler a gallon of gasoline and some matches at playtime.  Send them to go camping with a Catholic priest or a Penn State assistant coach.  What do I care?  It's your kid, right?

What you should care about, though, is that the readers of the New York Daily News are bat-shit-fucking (and I mean all the shit that a bat can make, like even if it's been eating nothing but chickpeas and fruit punch for the last year) crazy.  Here are some of the choicest quotes from the umpteenth Park Slope Nannygate Craptastrophe:

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