everything you need to know about the Daily News' readers in one slope-centric column.

The New York Daily News recently ran a story about how the denizens of Park Slope Parents are all up in arms about the fact that nannies are liars.  Which is a fact.  Basically, anyone who tells you that they're going to enjoy caring for your children is fucking lying.  Your children are barely tolerable.  Someone who professes to derive pleasure from caring for them?  That's someone with a moral compass that points...uh...what were you doing with that compass, again?

Right.

So now, Park Slope Parents has posted a Statement Regarding Hiring Nannies, in response to the hullaballoo/donnybrook/clusterfuck that has ensued.  That post, which is closed to comments, contains helpful tips for parents looking for a nanny, such as "Check multiple references," and "meeting them in person if possible."

Oh, that's good.  I'd never have thought to check the references of SOMEONE WHO'S GOING TO CARE FOR MY BABY.

Of course, I don't have a baby, so it's easy for me to sit here and judge what you breeders are doing.  Hire a nanny without checking references.  Give your toddler a gallon of gasoline and some matches at playtime.  Send them to go camping with a Catholic priest or a Penn State assistant coach.  What do I care?  It's your kid, right?

What you should care about, though, is that the readers of the New York Daily News are bat-shit-fucking (and I mean all the shit that a bat can make, like even if it's been eating nothing but chickpeas and fruit punch for the last year) crazy.  Here are some of the choicest quotes from the umpteenth Park Slope Nannygate Craptastrophe:

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Park Slope Parents Survey Reveals That 44% of Slope Parents Don't Pay Their Nannies OT (Which is totally illegal)

So remember that Park Slope Parents survey on babysitters we wrote about last month? The one that revealed that sitters under 21 years-old typically get paid less, among other things? Well PSP did a similar survey last year, and apparently there was a question on it that asked if Park Slope parents pay their nannies time and a half after working over 40 hours a week. 44% of these parents said "No."  Did y'all know that this is against the law? It has been since 2010. Here's a copy of the Domestic Workers' Bill of Rights for your reading pleasure, if you care to take a peek at the details.

When those stats went public, it caught the attention of a workers' rights group called Domestic Workers United, who has since set up a hotline for sitters and nannies to call to be informed of their rights. Priscilla Gonzalez, Executive Director of Domestic Workers United, recently told the Daily News, "This is pretty serious," adding that she is zeroing in on the Slope because she believes that the 4,000-ish nannies working in the neighborhood are likely treated better than if they were working elsewhere. Deep down in her heart, Gonzalez believes that "Park Slope employers want to do the right thing.”

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Out Of Work? Learn How To Make It As A Park Slope Nanny!

Are you tired of pretending that the random crap you create and sell on Etsy while binge eating Cheetos counts as a job? Put down that decorative feather, reader, and take a good look around you. Babies are all up in this nabe and they need someone to take care of them while their parents go to work. That someone could be YOU.

The New York Times recently ran an article about what rich parents look for in their nannies, and we've rounded up the basics so you can start training. Here are 10 things you need to know in order to land a gig wiping the asses of the young Ravens and Edwards in this hood:

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Park Slope Nannies Tell It Like It Is

Photo via Prospect: A Year in the ParkThanks to the success of the film The Help, nannies are a hot topic. If you’re a Huffington Post journalist looking to write an article about today’s minority women hired by rich white folk to take care of their oh-so-special-and-unique children, there’s only one place to go for interviews: PARK FUCKING SLOPE.

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