"GIRLS" BUS TOUR MIGHT BE ROLLING INTO BK

Busloads of drooling, wide-eyed tourists may soon clog up the streets of Brooklyn for a “Girls” themed bus tour. On Location Tours is in talks with HBO to try to make that shit happen. 

I’m sure folks would be willing to fork over some cash to get a peek at where the girls of “Girls” walk the streets and pee and pork. Boy, will they be surprised when they find themselves mostly in the industrial meh of Greenpoint and Bushwick.

Maybe they’ll stop the bus at the India street apartment where Marnie had sex with Elijah -- Hannah’s gay ex-boyfriend -- on the couch (an extra dollar for photos of the stained sofa)! The tour might continue to the shower where tourists will do flips over the sight of the drain that Adam’s urine flowed down after he peed on Hannah. Then I imagine it might be time to pile back on the bus and head to Bushwick, the site of Shoshanna’s crack attack and then maybe Williamsburg, home to the venture capitalist’s fancy digs where Jessa and Marnie made out. The possibility of unremarkable Brooklyn locales is endless.

READ MORE

Steve’s C-Town Is A Union Market Copycat

Steve’s C-Town on 9th Street has done away with it’s glaring red and yellow McDonald’s-ish design and ripped off Union Market’s design. The new black background with white and green design and ever-present stars are a total copycat. Even borrowing the word “Market” from Union Market is the sincerest form of rip-off flattery. It now goes by the name “Steve’s 9^th Street Market”. Thanks Patricia, the FIPster tipster who wrote in to inform us. I imagine they are hoping the cloth bag carrying zombies of Park Slope will stumble in mistaking the place for the shrine of pricy edible sundries that is Union Market. Drooling & lumbering Park Slope masses will chant “Follow the star. Follow the star.”

READ MORE

Spike Lee’s Recent Brooklyn Rant is Gentrific!

AL BELLO/GETTY IMAGES VIA NYDAILYNEWS.COMSpike Lee hates the gentrification of Brooklyn and will take almost any chance to rail against it. Tuesday night while speaking at a Pratt event he had a big ol’ hissy fit about all the fancy dancy gentrification going on in Brooklyn. Some dude in the audience asked a question about “the other side of gentrification.” Lee, who grew up in Fort Greene, proceeded for seven entertaining minutes to gentrify this guy a new bunghole.

Lee railed against the "Christopher Columbus syndrome" of neighborhoods "discovered" by wealthy gentrifiers. He blasted real estate agents and "motherfucking hipsters" that changed the names of neighborhoods like the South Bronx to SoBro or Bushwick to East Williamsburg. “These Williamsburg motherfuckers are changing the names,” he said. Mr. Lee’s name should be changed to Mr. Potty Mouth. From this point on, for the rest of my days, I will refer to Mr. Spike Lee as Mr. Potty Mouth or simply Potty Mouth or even simpler, Mr. PM or PM.

READ MORE

Park Slope’s Fourth Ave Is Lookin’ Up, Up, Up…

Image via photoshoppix.comFor many months Park Slope peeps have been placin’ bets on what’s going on with 4^th Avenue between 10^th and 11^th Streets. Well, those cute (eh, subjective on the “cute”) little row houses are outta here! They’ll be replaced with a giant 12,000 square foot FroYo mall. I joke people, I joke! Put down your mallets…or maybe pick them up depending on how you feel about what’s really the hap - a humungous luxury high rise rental building goin’ up up up…!

Here is a before picture: 

Photo credit: Leslie Albrecht/DNAinfo.com

READ MORE

Who Gives A Shit?: Valentine's Day Specials

Image via thepilver.wordpress.comPark Slope Valentine’s Day Specials ain’t so special. You can listen to a string instrument while you and your partner turn yourselves into human pretzels or paint pots and sip champagne or simply get rubbed. I certainly don’t want to have to exercise on Valentine’s Day. I’d rather smoke pot than paint one and I’ll rub myself, thank you very much. Really, it’s enough with the coupling specials on V-day!

Reservations for Park Slope restaurants are probably booked up already. If you do manage to get a reservation, there will hardly be any babies out so you won’t even feel like you’re in Park Slope. What’s the point in that?!  There’ll be nothing but couples shoving oyster and champagne specials into their pie holes until it’s finally time to relieve their babysitter and take old one eye to the optometrist

READ MORE