"GIRLS" BUS TOUR MIGHT BE ROLLING INTO BK

Busloads of drooling, wide-eyed tourists may soon clog up the streets of Brooklyn for a “Girls” themed bus tour. On Location Tours is in talks with HBO to try to make that shit happen. 

I’m sure folks would be willing to fork over some cash to get a peek at where the girls of “Girls” walk the streets and pee and pork. Boy, will they be surprised when they find themselves mostly in the industrial meh of Greenpoint and Bushwick.

Maybe they’ll stop the bus at the India street apartment where Marnie had sex with Elijah -- Hannah’s gay ex-boyfriend -- on the couch (an extra dollar for photos of the stained sofa)! The tour might continue to the shower where tourists will do flips over the sight of the drain that Adam’s urine flowed down after he peed on Hannah. Then I imagine it might be time to pile back on the bus and head to Bushwick, the site of Shoshanna’s crack attack and then maybe Williamsburg, home to the venture capitalist’s fancy digs where Jessa and Marnie made out. The possibility of unremarkable Brooklyn locales is endless.

The tour company might want to follow the spoof of a “Girls” tour for guidelines. I’d plunk down green for that tour. Especially if my new make-believe BFF Sasheer Zamata was really the tour guide. You’re so funny and cute, Sash. Can I call you that? Sash, my newest MBBFF(Make-Believe Best Friend Forever). We can spoon and watch “Girls” together, stroke each other’s sweaty hair when we’re sick, experiment sexually and all the other things that MBBFF do together, but I digress.

What about Park Slope? Didn’t “Girls” shoot something on Union Street in 2012? I think it was for the episode where Adam was kicked out of the Coop for molesting melons and leering at lactating ladies. Whatever the scene was, please consider Park Slope for part of the tour. The locals would love nothing better than double decker, fume-spouting tour buses coming through their bucolic hood.