YOUR BEST FIPS COMMENTS: MAY

Perhaps one of the most entertaining things about writing for FIPS is reading all of the passionate (read: rude, misspelled) comments from our readers.  Who knew that a topic as simple as hamburgers could result in a threats of physical violence?  Everyone is SO MAD ALL OF THE TIME.   

So, we did a round-up of the best comments from the month of May.  They made us laugh, they made us cry, they made us question whether or not we should call the police, etc, etc.

Take a look!  Note that the comments were posted as-is.  We didn't fix grammar or spelling.  Normally, bad grammar makes us [sic] (see what I did there?  A NERD JOKE), but we wanted to make sure that the commenters were represented exactly how they represented themselves, caps lock, spelling errors and all!

From "Yo, FIPS Looks Different" (May 2, 2011)

At the beginning of the month, we launched our redesign, and the response was pretty positive, except for a few naysayers.  "Mad As Hell" weighed in on the redesign, calling it a "piece of shit" and implying that we're all saying we like it because we're afraid that Erica will stab us if we say otherwise.  While I don't think that the redesign is a piece of shit, I have to confirm that I spend the majority of my interactions with Erica absolutely terrified that she's going to stab me.  

From: "Who Gives a Shit: Has a Cab Ever Refused to Take You to Brooklyn?" (May 4, 2011)

This post was especially near and dear to my heart because every single time I try to get into a cab and say the word "Brooklyn," the cab driver acts as if I asked him to drive me to Utica.  Listen, buddy: if you didn't want to drive some drunk people to Brooklyn while they sing "The Glory of Love" by Chicago, you shouldn't have become a cab driver.  Taylor shared a trick where he asks the cab driver to instead take him to the nearest police station if he doesn't want to go to Brooklyn.  I tried it this weekend, and it worked like a charm.  I just hope I don't get murdered.

From: "Cool or Not Cool: Luncheon on the L Train" (May 8, 2011)

A few weeks ago, a bunch of dbags decided to follow the pop-up restaurant trend and serve a hoity-toity luncheon on the L train.  Enrique Manchego gives everyone a reality check as to what riding on the subway is really like.  In other words, put away the foie gras, aholes.  

From: "Who Needs the Real Brooklyn When Things Can Be Brooklynized?" (May 11, 2011)

This post was about how America's favorite senior citizen, Larry King (you were thinking of Betty White, weren't you?) decided to open up a "REAL" Brooklyn bagel joint in Beverly Hills.  The larger question here was: what makes something authentically "Brooklyn?"  Commenters threw around "it's all in the water" theories, and of course, Brooklyn pizza was evoked.  Whenever we talk about pizza, some dbag usually brings up Dominos (it's usually me), and everyone gets upset.  Zzzhhhtttt made the usual comment about Dominos being shitty, and Jorge jumped in with a sarcastic retort that made me laugh.  CALM DOWN EVERYONE, IT'S JUST CARBS.  Dr. Oz says you shouldn't be eating them anyway.

From: "What You Should Order At: Johnny Mack's" (May 13, 2011)

The trifecta of ridiculous commenters doesn't get any more perfect than Sqam, ImJustBetterThanYou, and LongDuckDonger.  While everyone at FIPS is pretty sure that Sqam and ImJustBetterThanYou are going to actually get into a fistfight sometime in the near future, this was really the first all out battle that they had.  Let me remind you that this post was about FUCKING HAMBURGERS.  We had posted that Johnny Mack's while mostly underwhelmning, did serve up a pretty good burger.  60 comments later, Sqam and ImJustBetterThanYou are about to take it to the STREETS.  Of course, LongDuckDonger shows up just in time to remind everyone for the 700th time that he's worked at "every restaurant in Park Slope" and that he's "dipped his balls in every dish before serving it."  Out of fucking control, you guys.     

From: "Bike Wars: Hitler Apparently Supports the Prospect Park Bike Lane" (May 23, 2011)

We stumbled across a parody video where Hitler is supposedly in favor of the Prospect Park Bike Lane.  Everyone in the comments was calling us lame for posting this, but the prize goes to Thomas C. for making a very out-of-left-field Jordin Sparks reference.  As someone who has been told that they make too many Belinda Carlisle references, I appreciate this x 1,000.  

From: "Who Gives a Shit: Do You Care About Restaurant Health Grades?" (May 27, 2011)

Ever since the new DOH grading system has been introduced, I have been immediately suspect of anyone who gets less than an "A."  And I've worked in restaurants, and while I never dipped my balls in anyone's food ala LongDuckDonger, I did spit in some asshole customer's food for coming in at 8:50 and demanding to be served when the kitchen closed at 9.  The vote was split between the germophobes and the people who don't really care, but dept54321 called it perfectly with the comment about people who long for the days of scummy, gritty "Old New York."